How to Write Stories People Will Love

Question 96: Slow burn romance

SVTSwrites asks: How do I execute slow burn romances well when the couple in question are best friends at first?

Romance in stories tend to come in one of two flavors: slow burn and what I call "lust at first sight". (I am personally opposed to the phrase "love at first sight" because you can't really love anyone without knowing them first. There will always be people who disagree with me on this point, but we aren't here to argue semantics. I'll keep using my preferred phrase, and everyone else can keep using their preferred phrase. It's all good.)

Is It Physical or Mental?

As I see it, people tend to be attuned to either the physical or the mental/emotional. Those who notice physical attractiveness right away are prone to lust at first sight. Those who pay attention to what the other person says or does veer toward the mental side of things. How your characters perceive other people play a role in whether they are likely to have a slow burn or instant attraction.

A person can, of course, exhibit features of both. They might appreciate how a person looks, but might be resisting their urges about it until they get to know the person more.

Best Friends

The thing with best friends is they usually have known each other a long time. It has long since transcended (or bypassed) the physical and moved on into the mental. They see each other through platonic lenses, until something changes. And even after something has changed, it still takes time for the relationship to evolve, because the current friendship has a history and momentum of its own, and cannot change course overnight.

When we develop a relationship with someone (as in how you relate to that person), whether it's a friend, acquaintance, coworker, or whoever, we construct a set of expectations around them. These constructs help us move through daily life with ease, because change is uncomfortable. The challenge of turning a friendship into romance is to tear down the construct that is preventing one person from seeing the other one differently. Expectations need to change. Discomfort is inevitable.

Plan the Slow Burn

Something has to trigger the change. You don't just wake up one day and have different thoughts about your best friend. That trigger can be anything, but it has to be something that somehow alters one's perception of the other. Some examples:

1. One of them gets a boyfriend/girlfriend

2. One of them sees the other with fewer clothes than usual

3. One of them gets extremely sick

Think about how this trigger alters one's perception about a best friend. Using the numbered examples above, here are some possible altered perceptions:

1. The best friend without the girlfriend/boyfriend feels jealousy and is confused by it.

2. They never really saw the other person as a sexual being before, but the lack of clothing reminds them that they are indeed hot underneath all that baggy flannel.

3. The idea of losing someone puts things into perspective. What might have been taken for granted before is seen differently now.

My examples might be a bit cliche, but sometimes life works in cliches. Be creative. Maybe you can come up with some great triggers and reactions.

Write the Slow Burn

Remember it's a slow burn. It takes time to sort out feelings. It's like putting together a puzzle. Piece by piece, you get clues that help clear up the mystery that is your heart. The trigger mentioned above might start a cascade of small realizations, scene by scene, event by event.

Things don't always make sense right away. People have a way of rationalizing away things that might be otherwise be obvious. Self-doubts also stand in the way of coming into these realizations. We humans are intensely afraid of being wrong. It hurts our poor little egos, so we try to play it safe and not put ourselves into vulnerable situations.

Feelings do evolve, however. Eventually the desire for connection outweighs the need for safety, and we make that leap.

The Leap

This is the turning point. You have the trigger that starts shifting the relationship, and then later in the story there has to be something that causes one character to reach out instead of playing it safe. Things build and build... what makes it snap? It doesn't have to be big, but it does have to be something. It could be an unexpected slow dance.  It could be the best friend moving away. It could be the offering of a simple muffin.

Whatever it is, it seems to be the final piece in the puzzle that snaps the picture into crystal clarity. There is no more doubt. They know. And what happens next is up to you, the writer.