How did I get home that day? I do not know. I don't know a lot of things. I don't know for example how the stupid cosmic universal whatever could let this happen. Arthur was good! He is good! He isn't gone he'll come back... That's what the dragon said.
What did I have to do again? Save something, restore something, kill something... Oh it was all the same!
I didn't care at the moment. I didn't care that I was walking through the woods at night or that Arthur and I never had the chance to tell anyone, or that my shoes had five stupid holes in the bottom after standing in the lake for so long. I didn't even care that I had lost the horses. Arthur was dead, that was all I cared about. My brain was numb.
I some how made it to where the castle stood after hours of walking. It had been dark for about an hour if that puts things in perspective.
Through the gate, up the stairs, step step step step step step step. Suddenly I was struck with a horrid thought. I would have to confront Gwen.
I spun around on the spot and sat down on the steps with my knees pulled to my chest. How was I going to tell her that Arthur was dead and I hadn't been able to save him. What a terrible friend I was.
I crossed my arms and rested my cheek on my knees. I would not allow tears now. I wasn't allowed to cry. I was the one who should have been able to do something, but I let him die, I couldn't save him. I didn't have the right to be upset when I had practically killed him myself.
Instead of crying I ignored the stinging in my eyes and the knot in my throat and closed my eyes. Only then had I realized how tired I was. Maybe I could just sleep there, stay completely still. The thought was appealing. I considered it further but my mind grew foggier and foggier until next thing I knew Sir Leon was shaking me awake.
"Merlin! Wake up! Hey Merlin!" I opened my eyes halfway. He was leaning over me looking very concerned.
"Merlin are you alright!? It's past three in the morning and we got back hours ago!"
"Ungh"
"Merlin?" he had crouched down next to me. Only then did I realize that I was now completely sprawled out on my back on the castle steps.
"I... ugh." I pushed myself to a sitting position ignoring the aching pain in my head and back.
"Have you been at the taverns?"
"What? No of course not!"
"Then why are you sleeping in the stairs?" He leaned back and squinted away me in the torch light "are you feeling alright you look like hell."
"Thanks." I mumbled "Yeah fine... I just sat down and I guess fell to sleep"
"Ah... Where's Arthur."
Arthur. I had forgotten.
With the sound of his name spoken out loud by someone other than me my heart leapt. I opened my mouth to say something but my voice wouldn't make any sound.
Sir Leon just watched me with a confused look on his face. I tried to say something, anything, but instead it came out as a choked mixture between a gasp and a sob.
I cleared my throat.
"Arthur... Arthur isn't," my voice was shaking and tears were spilling over my eyes "Arthur isn't coming back."
An alarmed expression flickered onto Sir Leon's face. "What do you mean he's not coming back... Did he leave to go on a quest?" I shook my head. My eyes leaking silently as I watched the realization dawn on him.
