Faking It [Tokyo Ghoul: Hide Nagachika x Reader]

Chapter 9: Reader

I got away from Hide and hid out in a storage closet for a bit. Eventually, I must have passed out, because the next thing I remembered, there was a soft knock and the door opened.
"I thought I'd find you here," Toma said, his tone even.
"Don't believe him, (y/n)!" one of the nurses shouted, laughing. "He's spent an hour searching the whole hospital!"
Toma's face colored slightly in embarrassment. "I did not spend an hour," he said.
"Yes you did! Now go home and get some sleep!"
Toma sighed before stepping aside so I could get out. Then he started walking to the parking lot, not looking back because he knew exactly where I'd be.
We got in the car and he waited until I was buckled in before starting the engine and carefully shifting the gear into drive. Ever since that time, he'd been an extremely cautious driver. I don't think he liked driving, but he knew how I felt about it, so he took it into his own hands.
"Toma?"
"Yes," he answered, driving out of the parking lot, stopping at every pedestrian crossing, even though there were no pedestrians in the lot at this time of the night.
"Do you still want to be a pilot?"
He stopped at the next crosswalk longer than necessary before slowing stepping on the gas. "Why do you ask?"
"Because when we were kids, and I asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, you always said a pilot." I was watching his face.
He turned right onto the busy street that lay adjacent to the hospital. "I was a child. Children say childish things."
"But do you still want to be a pilot?"
He was quiet for three blocks. "Why are you asking this? Why now?"
"Because. I have a lot of time to think while you're busy saving lives."
"Do you resent me?" he asked, his voice soft.
I looked over, slightly surprised, but I knew what he meant. Still, I said, "For what?"
His hands gripped the wheel harder, but they relaxed after a long second as he most likely mentally reviewed his driver safety checklist. "For taking your life."
I looked out the window. "That's ridiculous. You didn't take anything of mine."
"But when we were little and I asked you what you wanted to be, do you remember what you always said?"
I flinched for more reasons than one. Memories brought pain, and it was a memory I'd been thinking about just earlier today. Some scars never heal, was how the old adage went. But some scars were ripped open anew every day, spilling blood and excruciating agony. "I..."
"You wanted to be a doctor."
I was quiet. "I know."
"So do you resent me? For stealing your dream?"
I sighed and leaned my head against the glass. "I know why you did it, Toma. And no, I don't resent you. You're just trying to live for the both of us." I closed my eyes. "If anything, I'm the one who stole your life."
"Don't say that." He couldn't even say my name. He didn't say it often. I thought I knew why.
"You aren't saying that it's not true." I opened my eyes slowly to watch the night life of the city unfurl before my eyes. "I know you still watch every plane that goes by until it goes out of view."
He was quiet.
"Toma, you don't have to do all of this for her."
He looked over quickly before controlling his eyes so they looked back out over the road. But he couldn't hide his reflex. He tried to play it off like he didn't know what I mean. "What her? Who are you talking about?"
I'm talking about the little girl that was in that car with you before everything was ruined. I'm talking about the little girl who wanted to be a doctor and wanted to save people's lives rather than avoiding people in general. I'm talking about the girl who died in that car crash. "Nothing. Nevermind. I'm tired." I closed my eyes again so Toma wouldn't carry on the conversation.
He was quiet the rest of the ride home.
***
I went up to my room and laid down. 4:06 a.m. School starts at 8:00 a.m...
I was asleep before I finished my thoughts.