Faking It [Tokyo Ghoul: Hide Nagachika x Reader]

Chapter 11: Reader

"There was a boy today."
"Mm."
"He came by the information desk."
"Mm."
"He wanted to find out which room the patient (y/n) is staying in."
I looked over at Toma, who was looking at the road, his face tight, his hands tense. I stayed silent.
"Did you tell that boy that you're a patient, (y/n)?"
I paused before nodding. Lying was fairly pointless with Toma. He was smart and good at reading body language.
"Why?"
I was quiet again, this time because I had a hard time putting it into words. "I guess...I wanted him to pity me."
Toma drove several blocks before repeating his earlier question. "Why?"
"Because..." I looked down at my seat belt and played with the fabric. "Because he talks to me. He feels responsible somehow, like he has to care." About me.
"(Y/n), lying to him and telling him you're a patient...don't you think that's past the line?"
"I told him I have cancer. I'd say that's way past the line."
"Not funny, (y/n)." Toma sighed. "I still don't understand why you're doing this."
"Because. The worse I make my situation out to be, the more likely it is that he'll show up the next day. He thinks he's the only person in the whole world that knows who I am because he thinks I have nobody else." Sometimes, though it felt that way.
"(Y/n)..."
"Please don't tell him, Toma."
He sighed again. He must have had a rough shift. "You know nothing good can come out of this?"
I nodded. "I just want someone to talk to for a few weeks. He'll stop coming once his friend is discharged. That's fine with me."
A third sigh. "Just be glad that I was on my lunch break."
I nodded. "Thanks, Toma." I stared out the window. What I'd told Toma was true. Part of me felt that I had to be tough and stubborn. I don't want anybody's pity!
But there was something addictive about pity. People look at you like you're brave for just being there, wherever you are. They don't see your past failures or the future problems ahead of you. They see you in the moment, standing under a heavy burden. They draw nearer because they think they owe you, that because their life is peachy and yours isn't, they're responsible in some right to share the burden. Everything you do is glorified in a way that it wouldn't be otherwise.
I craved that sort of attention - even negative attention. I knew that it wasn't good. I knew that it made me a horrible person.
But something about Hide's smile made it all seem worth it.