But I'm Not Supposed To Be a Dog!

- 13 -

Abby was a little creeped out. Henry just sat there, staring at her with those grey and brown eyes. It was already amazing that her new dog was able to write on her whiteboard. Write! She didn't even know you could train dogs to do that! But why on earth would he choose to write "Hey Snookums?" Even more puzzling was why he kept staring so intently, as if trying to send messages through his eyes.

Abby looked away and shook her head. What could a dog possibly try to tell her? Maybe Henry was like a talented parrot, taught to say a few choice phrases in return for treats.

Treats! Abby mentally slapped her forehead at the obvious answer. He was waiting for treats. He had performed his trick and now he wanted his reward. Thankful to finally figure it out, she went to the cabinet and pulled out a piece of jerky.

"You are so talented, Henry! What a good boy." She proudly offered the treat to Henry, who took it slowly and then slinked off the table.

Well that's an odd reaction. Shouldn't he have snatched it out of her hand and gulped it down in two bites? Maybe show a little bit of excitement?

What a strange thing to teach a dog. Why not teach him to say "I love you," like those huskies in the home videos? She would mention it to Rhonda when they met for lunch later. But for now, it was time to write something herself.

***

Abby was at it for maybe three hours, spilling her imagination into words on the screen. She could barely keep up with the spout of images in her head. Then she got stuck on a particular sentence that she just didn't like.

"This was the moment Libby was waiting for." Abby read aloud. "Her heart was pounding out of her chest." So cliché. She tried to think of something edgier. Her heart was pounding like a porn star.

"Ugh, this is so stupid," she groaned as she thumped her forehead against the desk repeatedly.

She sighed. The only thing she was sure of was that she was hungry. Time for lunch with Rhonda.

Abby was thankful that Henry had left her undisturbed for so long. He was such a good boy. She glanced over to see what he was doing, and found him lying comfortably on the floor by the couch, magazine open in front of him.

He wasn't reading, was he? No, that couldn't be possible. She shook the strange idea out of her head and assumed the magazine had fallen off the table and Henry was merely lying next to it.

After walking Henry around the block, Abby now sat across a table from Rhonda, sipping on a wonderfully cold iced tea.

"Now," her friend leaned forward and fixed mischievous blue eyes onto her. "Tell me what it was about this third date that made you finally remember I existed? You were a bit incoherent on the phone."

"Well," Abby said slowly as she gathered her scattered thoughts. "It was good, and then it was bad, and then it was good again, and then it got really good, but then it got bad again."

"This sounds very confusing."

"I know. I'm sorry. Let's just say that Daniel is a really good kisser, and Henry is a really gassy dog."

"Oh my," Rhonda said. "And yuck."

"Let me ask you this: If you had a ridiculously smart dog, what would you train him to do?"

"That's an odd question." Rhonda tossed her long black hair back to think. "Perhaps hold his gaseous emissions until an appropriate time?"

"How would you do that?"

"All right, how about using the toilet? Puppies use pee pads, my ridiculously smart dog would use the toilet, like a big boy," Rhonda said triumphantly.

Abby's eyes lit up. "He does!"

"What?"

"Use the toilet!"

"You're kidding."

Abby shook her head excitedly. "I swear, I heard the toilet flush the other day, I turned to look, and Henry was coming out of the bathroom!"

"No."

"Yes! I went in there to see, and, well, he did a really bad job aiming, but he definitely peed in the bathroom."

"That is amazing."

"Now here's the weird part." Abby grew serious.

"That wasn't the weird part?"

"Not at all. This morning, Henry wrote on the whiteboard."

Rhonda stared at her, likely unsure if she heard correctly. "He... wrote? On the whiteboard?"

"Yes. With a marker."

Rhonda's mouth dropped open. "What did he write?"

"Get this, of all the things someone could have trained him to write, they taught him to write 'Hey Snookums'. Is that weird or what?"

"Hey Snookums?"

"Yes! I don't get it either!"

Rhonda seemed to withdraw, her thoughts somewhere else. The server came by, took their orders, and then left.

"So, what do you think?" Abby prompted.

"I think I'd like to meet your boys."

"My boys?"

"Yes. Your amazing kisser, and your ridiculously smart and gassy dog."

"Sure!" Abby thought for a moment. "I'm not sure when Daniel's free, but you can come over tonight for dinner, if you'd like."

"I'm cooking," Rhonda said emphatically.

"That's probably a good idea."

The best friend gets to meet man's best friend. Should be interesting. A vote please? :)