Together let's breathe - Josh Dun fanfic

20. Marie

It's been one month. It's been a month of sleeping all day and making love all night. A month of big comforting arms pulling me in, keeping me safe and protected. Everyday I wake up to sunshine, not from the sky but, from the yellow glow of Josh's hair. It's warmer, brighter and give me more life than the real sun.  A month of sitting in VIP sections where I watch my favorite band play their hearts out. I never missed a single show and I have yet to get tired of the people screaming around me aimed at Josh. I don't scream with them, instead I just give a little wave to the yellow head bobbing up and down behind the drums. I like to pretend that through the sea full of strangers he can only see me. 

It's also been a month of hiding and lying about who I am. I've been to 20 cities in 30 days and haven't seen a single one of them. My first night back Josh and I agreed we would keep our relationship away from the public, at least until the tour is over. The tour crew, Josh's family and a few select friends know about me. Keeping us a secret from the public means no dates outside of the venue, no pictures together and I can only let certain people in my life know my location. We don't hold hands outside of the bus just in case someone snaps a picture. We even created a fake backstory for me if any one who doesn't already know asks who I am. My name is Avery and I'm an old friend of Jenna's who goes to shows with her so she won't be alone. Avery's purple wig was Josh's idea. Jenna thinks it's a little over the top and maybe she's right. 

When Jenna and I make our journeys from the boys dressing rooms to our seats is when we get stopped for pictures most often. I try my best to duck out of the way  when Jenna s posing with fans. Luckily no one has asked for a picture with Avery. Most people lose interest in me when I lie and tell them I'm not that close to Tyler or Josh.    

At first all things things seemed like small sacrifices, but now the rules are starting to close in on me. Josh tells me it's all so I can live safety away from the prying eyes of the world. This way I won't have people coming up to me in public just to get to Josh. I can avoid the potential stalker trying to hurt me like people threatened to do with Debby. Once people figure out that I'm Josh's girlfriend my normal life is over. I'll be famous by association. Pictures of me will live on forever on the internet, always available to stare at and wonder why I was chosen to live this life and not them.

Those things are true about Jenna, but she doesn't live in fear of the the things Josh warns me about. I've never heard her complain about living on a bus, or about being so far away from her family. She has told me herself that she has never had an experience with a fan where she felt unsafe. When she first warned me about being a celebrity's girlfriend the only negative aspect she talked about was mean comments online. If that is the worst thing I have to deal with in order to be with Josh, I can handle it.  When I look at Jenna I see someone who is carefree and madly in love. I want to feel the same way. I see an outpouring of love for Jenna from fans everyday, so why can't I have that too? Why am I at risk of being bullied just because I haven't been here as long as Jenna? I want to fully be a part of the twenty one pilots world and I'm ready to embrace everything that comes along with it. I want to shout to the world that I am in love with Josh Dun.

                                                                                               ...

We're in Portland a day early, which means Tyler and Jenna are out exploring the beautiful city while Josh and I hide out in our hotel room. I have been craving to go outside and see something more than hotel rooms that all look the same or the same four walls of the bus. It's not like Josh and I can't have our own fun in a hotel room. It's that I've lived in Kansas City my whole life and my family would only take one vacation a year to the same place, my grandparents house in Chicago. I went to Florida last year and when I  saw the ocean for the first time I was completely amazed. It made it wonder about the other amazing places I hadn't seen yet. When I found the assistant job with the touring company I knew that was my ticket to traveling the world. Now the most exciting thing I've seen Portland is the hotel pool Josh and are sitting by.   

"What do you think about getting out of here and doing something tonight?" I ask Josh from my lounge chair.

"Out of here as in the hotel? What did you have in mind?" Josh asks from behind me as he rubs sunscreen on my back. 

He insisted on the sunscreen even though the sun was setting because like he said "You can never be too careful." Apparently that is his theme for everything he does this month.

"I didn't have a real plan, I just thought we could get out for once. Like on a real date at a restaurant or a bar or something." I say. Josh continues to rub my back and it sends a shiver down my spine. It's amazing he can still do that even though I haven't stopped touching him for a month.

"I don't think it's a good idea yet. Someone could recognize me and take a picture of us. I don't think you are ready for all the attention that would bring."

I turn around to face him. "How will I know if I'm ready if we never try? I mean don't you think this hiding out thing is getting ridiculous? We haven't been out on a proper date since the first time we went out and got coffee even though nothing bad happened that day. Today you said we had to wait to come down to the pool until everyone was gone. Now the sun is almost gone and the water is probably cold. It's like we are living our lives in fear."

The look on his face is telling me he feels sorry, as if he feels like he has been failing as a boyfriend. This is the first time I've even hinted that I have a problem with living in our little bubble. I know he thought he was doing the right thing by setting up these rules and I did too at first. I just didn't realize how hard it was to keep a secret when you have your own personal sunlight.

"It's really not about going out on dates" I grab his hand and continue "It's about me being so in love with you that I can't contain myself. The man I could only fantasize about being with before is my boyfriend. How can I possibly keep that to myself?"

"I want to tell more people too. Believe me it hasn't been easy keeping you to myself. I promise I'll be more relaxed from now on.  We don't need to make a public statement or anything, but I we don't have to hide anymore if that is what you want."

"Yes, I want us to be free to just be us"

Josh lets go of my hand and springs up out of the lounge chair. "Hey I've got a crazy idea." He says before walking to the side of the pool. He first moves his head to the right, then to the left as if he was crossing the street. Then suddenly without any warning Josh grabs the waistband of his trunks and pushes them down his legs. He kicks the trunks away from his ankles and completely naked, he jumps into the pool. Once his head resurfaces I shout "What in the world are you doing!"

"Come on! Come join me! I'm not doing this alone." A very wet and very naked Josh shouts back. I cautiously make my way over to the same spot where Josh jumped in. "Just take your top off and jump in." He says swimming over to the edge in front of me.

"I think you have completely lost your mind."

 "Come on, there is no one around and no one else will be coming to the pool this late. You said  you want to feel free, well here is your chance Marie."

That is all he needed to say to convince me. I reach behind my back and undo the knot holding my bikini top together. I toss it over to where Josh's disregarded trunks landed. I look down into the pool at Josh reaching his arms out to catch me. I hesitate only for a moment before I am engulfed in freezing cold water. As soon as I pop back up above the water I feel Josh's embrace around me. As we kissed I begin to feel the freedom I had been wishing for. Soon enough the whole world would know the happiness I've had to hide. 

We swim around naked until the sun is completely gone and the only light is from the moon. Skinning dipping was  a liberating experience that resulted in passionate sex back in the room. Josh and I are now cuddled in bed together and he has just fallen asleep. I was just about to join him, when my phone lights up with a notification that someone has tagged me in a photo on Instagram. I unlock my phone and let my eyes adjust to the light, but my eyes must be playing tricks on me because I can't be seeing what I'm seeing. It's a picture of Josh and I at the pool earlier today. Josh is in the pool with his arms reaching out to me while I stand on the edge about to jump in with no top on. There is no denying that the man in the pool is Josh Dun with his yellow hair and tattoo sleeve. I look at pictures that Josh is tagged in, and it is flooded with this picture of me and my bare breasts. Somehow someone figured out it was me. I look over at Josh sleeping peacefully with no clue I was about to shatter our world.