The Meaning Of Pain

Chapter 1- My Arrival

I stare in disbelief at the large sign in front of me. "Camp for bereaved teens"
I couldn't believe they were making me do this. And all because I wouldn't speak to that stupid therapist lady. Why can't they understand I'm FINE? Well not fine, but I'm fine with not being bothered? Why can't they understand I want to be left alone. This camp is just going to make it all so much worse. "Bereaved teens". Stating the godamn obvious aren't you? Why else would a parent said their child to a summer camp unless they were rich? So. I guess I can say I'm officially a "Bereaved Teen." My story is this:
My best friend Tia got bullied. Bullied and bullied by the cool gang, the people I hang out with, my crew. Tia and I had known each other for years and I just let her hurt her. She committed suicide. Because of me. And your probably thinking it's not my fault, I'm just blaming myself, but it is. If I had been a good friend, if I had looked after her... I wouldn't be here right now. I would mostly likely be in Turkey with her and her family, like we did every summer. Not a camp for bereaved teens, full of stroppy teenagers talking about their pain and all their problems. Just no. I don't do that. But my over-protective mother has made me. This was our conversation, word for word.
"Mum, can I go round Lucys this week? (Lucy is one of the cool girls)" I shouted up the stairs.
"No darling, your busy all summer." She called down to me.
"What, why?" I moaned.
"Don't worry."

I didn't even know I was coming here. I was told to pack casual clothes and belongings worth four months  long. And now I have arrived at a stupid stupid stupid camp for bereaved teens. Like, who even says the word bereaved anymore? "Honey? I'm sorry baby, but it's for your sake only." My mum spoke to me quietly. What did she expect me to do? Hug her and say it's the best gift ever? Ha. I don't think so.  "Ruby Haart? Room 207." A speaker bellowed, breaking my eardrums. (When we entered we were given a wallow talkie. Talk about ancient) My mother gave me an encouraging smile and drove off. Leaving me with my two heavy suitcases and my carrier bag. I attempted to take them across the road, luckily there was an abandoned luggage trolley that I put my carrier and suitcases in. My room was on the first floor, thank the lord, so I didn't have far to walk. "Hi! You must be Ruby! My names Lily! You must be my room mate!" A girl who looked about seven with two bunchies either side of her head squeaked at me. "Yeh. I'm Ruby." I said grumpily. I was not planning on making any friends. At all.
"Hiya! My name is Rose. Me and lily are bffs forever!" Oh god. Two? There is two of them? Rolling my eyes, I chose the bed by the window and unpacked my stuff. Rose and Lily both had three teddies each. I had none. All I had brought was clothes and lots of books. "Oh, Ruby you dropped this bag!" Rose handed me the carrier bag.
"Give it back!" I yelled. Rose looked hurt and walked over to Lily. Poop. I could of been more polite it's just... That bag had Tia's things in it. Her favourite book. All our photos of us. And her phone. Every night I would read those horrible messages that the bullies had sent her just an hour before her death. Nobody knows I have her phone. The police should, I really should of told them about it, my I won't. I need it. I need her. Why oh why did she have to leave me? We had arguements, I know, but who doesn't? I should of been there for her, beside her. I should of been holding her hand, telling her it would be all alright, wiping her tears. But instead I was giving the cool gang information. Talking about how perfect my best friend was, by sharing her secrets. Rumours spread. And then she was dead. She is dead. She is gone forever. Some nights I dream about my kind, caring best friend. I imagine her and me at a sleepover. I also once thought of me beating up the so called cool gang and running away with Tia. "Ruby Haart report to lunch, hall 12." Damn. There goes that loud speaker again.
It's only 11:50am, why lunch so soon?
"What hall are you in?" Rose asked, still sounding a little hurt. "Twelve. Sorry about earlier." I replied with a hint of concern in my voice. Rose nodded to say it was fine. "Shame! We are in 9! Well bye Ruby!!!" Lily called out.
When I entered Lunch Hall 12, it was quiet. I looked around to see a bunch of depressed, broken teens crying into the food. But there was one table who were laughing and fighting. I grabbed a tray and walked over their. "Hey." A boys voice spoke to me. "You ok?" I rolled my eyes. I was not bothering was boys over this camp. Well. Maybe I could? I suppose if I'm here I might aswell. "Hey. And no funny enough I'm in a camp for BEREAVED teens. So no, not particularly ok. You?" I sarcastically asked. Wolf whistles came around, and boys jeered at me. "Yeh! You go girl! Feisty!" I rolled my eyes again and looked around the hall. Nope. This was most definitely the less ghost like table. Well. Now I know my seating arrangements for the summer. "Ruby. Ruby Haart." I said smugly to all the boys. The boys gave me short introductions. When I looked around for girls, Mikey said "Our girls are always late. Goths, retros, and bad Girls we have. Well this hall has anyway. You wouldn't believe it though would you?" He laughed, gesturing at the despondent faces of this hall.
I grinned. "No. Not particularly."
"Here the girls come now!" The boys called out to me.
The girls were most certainly rebels.