Tales From the Cave-Beauty & the Superbeast

Praise for Wolfe

It was a warm June night in the local tavern in Markshev.  All the townsfolk were gathered inside to drink, gamble, sing, dance, play music, or otherwise have fun.  The entire bar was filled with the sounds of hearty laughter and happy chatter, for all taking refuge there were riding high.  All but one.

Wolfe sat in his usual armchair, made from animal hide that he had hunted and skinned himself, down by the fireplace.  He had himself turned away from the rest of the tavern so that he may brood without them bothering him.  His body and clothes were now clean of the mud from his earlier incident with M'gann, and his fellow villagers had stopped laughing at him for his public embarrassment after he had given the tinsmith a black eye for daring to comment about it.  But even getting himself redeemed could not lift Wolfe's spirits.

Lampwick took notice of his big brother's sour mood, and was constantly trying to cheer him up.  "Hey, can I get you another beer, bro?", he asked.  Wolfe scowled deeply as he stared intensely at the fire through narrowed eyes.  "Unbelievable.", he said, his younger brother's question ignored.  "Megan has some nerve, tossing me aside like a common beggar!  I mean, really, who dies that woman think she is?!  The Empress of Everything?!  Well, I'll show her!  No one says no to Wolfe and gets away with it!"

Lampwick tried again.  "Dang right, they don't!  By the way, can I get you anything?  A drink?  Some food?"  "What for?!", Wolfe shouted.  "A man's pride is his most prized possession!  And mine has been taken from me!  That little know-it-all dismissed me, rejected me, humiliated me in front of everyone in town!  She destroyed my reputation and trampled all over my dignity!  Its more than I can bear!  I'm...disgraced."

"You?  Disgraced?", Lampwick cried, loud enough for everyone on the pub to hear.  "Never!  Wolfe, you're the coolest, strongest, handsomest guy in the whole town!  You've broken every record in our village, and everyone sees you as a hero!  Even on your worst day, any guy in town would kill to be you!"  Everyone around cheered.  "Absolutely!"  "Here, here!"  "Wolfe's the greatest!"  The hunter only slunk deeper in his chair and kept sulking.

Lampwick stood in front of him, placing his hands on his hips defiantly.  "I don't get it!", he exclaimed.  "You can have your pick of any other girl in the whole village, Wolfe.  Why are you so focused on the only one in the whole wide world who's not interested?"  Wolfe sat up, stroking his chiseled chin in thought.  "I don't know, Lampy.  There's just something about her that gives me that fire in my belly.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but its there."

"But there are plenty of other girls around.", Lampwick said, motioning towards a group of attractive young ladies, smiling and batting their eyelashes at Wolfe.  "And they would all consider themselves lucky to marry you.  Why don't you just forget about Megan?  If she can't see how awesome you are, its her loss."

Wolfe rose to his feet, towering over all the rest.  "Its not just about her anymore, Lampwick!", he announced.  "Its about my honor!  Megan took my honor when she dismissed me in front of everyone I know!  Now, the only way to redeem myself is to overcome her obstacles and claim her as my own!  I must find a way to win her hand and restore my honor!"  "Okay,", Lampwick said.  "But how are you gonna do that?"

All of the sudden, as if on cue, Geppetto burst through the swinging doors of the tavern, waving her arms in terror and fright.  "Help!  Help!", he cried, startling everyone in the bar.  "Someone help me!"  This immediately caught Wolfe and Lampwick's attention.  As a regular customer, Wolfe could not remember the old woodcutter even setting foot in the tavern.  He wondered what had caused the change of heart.

"He has her!", Geppetto rambled on.  "He has her locked away in a tower!"  "Who's locked in a tower?"  "M'gann!", Geppetto wailed in agony.  "M'gann!  My poor sweet baby girl!"  He tried to rally up his friends and neighbors.  "We have to go rescue her!  Come on now!  We don't have a moment to lose!"

Wolfe walked over towards him, holding up his hands to calm the frightened man.  "Whoa!  Whoa!  Slow down there, ol' timer!  Who's got Megan locked away in a tower?"  "A beast!", Geppetto said, standing in the center of the room.  "A horrible, terrible, monstrous beast!"  His reply was met with howls of laughter throughout the bar.

Wolfe quirked an eyebrow.  "A beast, you say?"  "Yes!", Geppetto said, shaking in fear.  "You should see him!  He's huge!  Maybe even bigger than you, Wolfe!  He's got a twisted nose and a deformed jaw!  His arms and legs are all different proportions!  And he's even got claws!  He's hideously ugly!  And he's taken Megan his prisoner!  You've got to help me!  Please!"

Wolfe smirked.  "Sure, Geppetto.  We'll help you."  Geppetto's face brightened.  "You will?"  Wolfe gave a look to some of his hunting buddies.  "Boys...help this guy out, won't you?"  Before Geppetto knew what was happening, four men grabbed him by his arms and legs and threw him out of the tavern, landing face first in the dirt.

The men dusted his hands off, quite proud of themselves.  "That crazy ol' Geppetto!  Always good for a laugh!"  At those words, the wheels in Wolfe's head started turning.  He stroked his chiseled chin as a wicked smile appeared on his handsome face.  "Crazy ol' Geppetto, huh?  Lampwick!"  Said little brother stood straight at attention at the sound of his name.

"About Geppetto?"  "I know, right?", Lampwick snickered.  "What a wacky old kook!"  "Kooky, maybe.", Wolfe said.  "But he's Megan's father, and she loves him."  Lampwick blinked twice.  He already knew that.  He failed to see where Wolfe was heading with this.  "Your point is?"  "The point is, I think I just figured out how to get Megan to be my wife."

Wolfe made sure no one was looking before he reached under Lampwick's cap and pulled out one of the donkey ears he'd earned at Pleasure Island.  "If I..."  He then whispered in the long gray ear of Lampwick, whose face slowly brightened with realization as his brother explained his plan.  "No!", he exclaimed as he quickly tucked his loose ear back in.  "Do ya really think she'd..."  Wolfe puffed his chest out proudly.  "I'm positive!"

"Its genius!", Lampwick declared, loud enough so that the whole tavern could hear.  "You're a genius!"  Wolfe smiled, giving all the women in the pub goosebumps.  "I know."  He stood before the townsfolk like a king addressing his subjects.  "Bartender!  Order a whole round of beer shots!  On me!"  Everyone cheered.

"Right away, Wolfe!", the bartender said, fixing up a mug of beer for their hero.  "Any special occasion?"  He slid the mug down the surface of the bar.  "Indeed it is.", Wolfe told him, catching his drink at the end of the bar.  "By this time next year, I'll be married to Megan Morse."  He smiled victoriously and took a slug of his beer.