Highkey Dodgy :Erisol:

Chapter 1: Monday

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
CA: kar
CA: it's fuckin humiliating havvin to do this
CA: but i need a favvour
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, FISH FACE?
CA: i may
CA: havve told my parents id be bringin a boy home on friday
CA: and you're one a the only people that actually like me
CG: FUCK OFF, AMPORA
CG: I'M NOT BEING YOUR FAKE BOYFRIEND IN ORDER TO CONVINCE YOUR PARENTS YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE.
CA: not necessarily you
CA: i just need somebody wwho can be an insufferable prick for one day
CA: and be wwilling to act gay enough to trick my parents
CA: thats all
CG: I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
CG: NO PROMISES.
CA: preferably soon
CA: it's monday and i need a fake boyfriend for friday
CG: I'M ALREADY CONSIDERING TAKING BACK MY OFFER TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
CG: DONT PUSH YOUR LUCK, FUCKASS.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

Eridan cringed and cursed - Karkat was probably now angrier than ever, and he really needed this. For all his haughtiness and attempts to be liked, he was liked even less than the nerdiest of the nerds. There was no chance anyone would agree unless Karkat convinced them (the tiny ginger - smaller even than Eridan - could be incredibly persuasive when he wanted to be) and he desperately needed this, he needed his parents to back off a little.

It was already bad enough how dismissive they were of his gender, he at least needed to prove that he could find someone - all the better if said someone pissed them off beyond belief.

He poked idly at the bruise forming along his cheekbone. It wasn't anything new, but a light hiss still escaped him as he prodded it, making a mental note to stock up on concealer or something to hide the quickly purpling mark. His father's fists were harsh.

Sighing, Eridan tossed aside his phone and flopped on his bed, staring up at the white ceiling until his eyes swam. He hoped to God Karkat found someone willing to just come and pretend to be gay for just one day. Something felt very wrong about the idea of pretending he was in a relationship with someone he likely barely knew, especially if he would have to pay them - something he was expecting, but it wasn't a huge issue. He wasn't using his money for much in the first place.

He supposed it could be worse. It was just one dinner that whatever poor boy got roped in had to sit through. If Eridan had been anyone else, he wouldn't have wanted to spend any more time with his parents and brother than he had to. As it was, the time he spent with them was bad enough.

After his eyes had unfocused and refocused too many times to count he supposed he should attend to the slowly swelling bruise on his face, pushing himself up with a groan and wandering to the bathroom attached to his bedroom. There were times he was grateful that he had such a large house, and this was one of those times. It meant he didnt have to face his father.

When he looked in the mirror he blinked in surprise. It was worse than he had thought. A rather large, swelling purple lump marred his features, making his face appear lopsided. To anyone else it would have looked highly painful, but the teen was nothing if not used to it.

Eridan appeared rather vain and conceited to others, but he wasn't highly bothered about his looks. He supposed he had a nice face - when there wasn't swollen purple marking it - but it wasn't anything to write home about. A fucking feminine-ass face shape, a slicked back mess of black hair with his signature purple streak, stormy grey eyes that appeared purple in certain light (hidden behind hipster frames that, contrary to popular rumour, he actually did need to see properly), completed with his father's Greek complexion.

Now wasn't the time for reflection-pondering. He splashed some water on his face and prodded his bruise again. That was gonna be a bitch to cover up. Eridan took the time to think about just how feminine he looked. It wasn't his favourite subject matter, but it was an issue that he was reminded of on a daily basis, thanks to dysphoria and his family.