WIshing Away Curve Balls

One Step at a Time

"Bella, Rosie" I panted out, "Come..."

The sweat dribbled down my limbs, back, and face as I continued pounding my fet with each heavy step. Forward, continue forward. I walked one step at a time. 368 pounds.... I have lost 106 ppounds since October, and its June.  How? Basic Scince and math. Roughly think about your weight and add a zero to it. That is the amount of calories one takes to maintain. Eat more calories- gain. Eat less calories- loose. Excercise in the relative way: 5 minutes of warm up, 10 minutes of "working your body ( target heart rate), 5 minutes warm down. Think of that as burning 250 calories. Thats it. Thats All i have done. It worked in the past before I got sick, and now that I am healing... Its back to working again. Just had to get back on the decision train after the second collapse.

I thought as i continued the daily routine of walking the dogs... Which was apart of my personal therapy.

"Child and Husband are still asleep. I want to get my walk in before it rains... The dogs have to potty too..." My list of to do's has also returned as well.

As well as one step at a time I  have learned to live one day at a time. I know what it is like to have to just make it a goal to fo from minute to minute.

-=

" I said stay the f*ck over there!"

I raised my hands to support the force of the oncoming blows as I felt the warm release of urine come out of me. I no longer could hold it, and I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom... She continued screaming profanities at me, but all I could hear was a high pitch hum of ringing.

=-

I shook my head to drive the demons away again and refocused on the squirrel that popped out ahead of the road before me. I prepared for one of the dogs to dart. I was still regaining my strength... I couldn't afford to fall again and be out of commission. Not when I have made it this far after all that has happened.

"Heel Girls..." I calmed chided as I saw the common "point" stance that usually reconditioned one for the hunt. I smiled within myself at the progress that was made. When it comes to animals & children: I have a gift. A gift that has earned me nicknames from Pied Piper to Dog Whisperer. Chuckling out loud, I entertain the dogs squirrel interest by moving forward (after the critter had pranced itself up the nearest tree).

The dogs were Pit Bull Mixes. Rosie was A pit Bull Terrier mix. She was stocky and multicolored(like a calico cat). She also had the webbed feet that is known for terriers, but her personality was hilarious when it came to her hatred of water. She was tot he extreme... Where she refused often to relieve herself when it misted outside.

Bella was an unknown mix, but I would guess that her Pit Bull was mixed with a grey hound. She had the body of the grey hound and the head of a pit bull. She was a beautiful grey with a white patch on her nose, and white socks. She was often mistaken to be a puppy (even though she was 4) due to her personality,

I resumed my train of thought back to my to do list for the day. I was climbing out of the hole that seemed was unachievable. I still needed to completed today's goals of walking, dishes, laundry, showering, brushing my teeth and hair, putting the bins for the trash away because Ana (short for Katriana) forgot to put them away. I can't believe in a week my daughter will be 13.

I thought back about the limited memory I had of her conception, and was grateful. I was a fortunate one to know who my attacker was in order to hold him accountable for his actions. I was saving myself for marriage, but I couldn't destroy life... I thought myself a hardcore democratic liberal before the strip turned pink. Everyone tried to have me consider abortion as an option because it was just removing the fetus- simple cell growth from the body. They made it sound like it was a tumor invading my life ambitions to finish my education... An education that wasn't completed, but hard fought for. I had all my classes at excellent status, and I even had a level of experience in my career that others would envy. I even had student teaching set up & a job lined up for when I graduated. All I had to do is keep things on task. Don't take my eye off the prize!

I would have accomplished it if it weren't for Fate.... The responsible one that always took care and lead others... Fell victim again. This time there wasn't a going back because I knew in my heart that there was life to a cell, and all cells deserve the chance to thrive with out unnatural invasion. For all of those pro-evolutionists out there: I firmly believe that God created the world. Whether he did it according to your theory is not a necessary argument in my mind. But I can understand the need to ethnocentrically have others conform.

I miss working. I want to get back to working... First I have to get myself and my own home back into healthy status.... But no longer allow others to hold me down with the co-dependent ways. I can no longer lead and hold every one up. This gas station ran out of gas... So many of us don't think about how we live, but I like to think of things that are symbolic for those to grapple with in accordance to understanding another's experience. Vivid details often help.

a tug pulls me back out of my thought pattern, and refocuses me to the task on hand. One foot in front of the other... "Rose, get out of that person's garden..."