bangtan imagines | hurthwoods

what even is love? // jjk

I look at him, playing his video game, being so focused on the virtual entertainment he's having fun with it.

I always ask myself wether he thinks of me, even once. Realizing that we are losing communication the time he got into the stupid game. I even sacrifice my self to play that game which i hate so much, reason why we are not talking, communicating or even look at each other. I sometimes wonder if he met someone in that game that he could possible be in love with it.

I know that whatever is running on my mind is dumb and dull, things that I know would never happen, being depressed because of a dull fantasy I think about. What i hated as well is seeing him so angry, the fury in his eyes, the dark hole that makes you feel like you're gonna swim into the deep hole of darkness, sorrow, a hole filled with screams of pain and being so afraid.

He finishes his game and is ready to get into a new server.

"Jungkook."I said it. I said it so frantically. Unkowingly what is gonna happen next. Expecting the unexpected.

"What?"
"Can you take a break and talk about something?"
"Is it a serious matter?"
"Yes, Jungkook."

We left the living room and entered our bedroom.
"Jungkook."
"What?", while looking down on his phone, and has no idea who he's texting.

"CAN'T YOU STOP TOUCHING THAT GODDAMN PHONE." I yelled. I didn't even cared if its in the middle of the night. I don't even care if he's scared. Because I am more scared to lose the man that i love the most, the one I would devote my life for.

"Okay, damn.. what is it anyway?" He said scratching the back of his head.

"Do you even love me? You seem so focused on that virtual enterntainment, that stupid virtual reality, whatever you call it. You know that I am forgiving, to the point that I would let you look at other women, because I don't want you to be so tight on our relationship. Because I know that you love me, even if i was the craziest girl in the world, I KNOW THAT YOU WOULD BE THERE. I know that you will be there, on my last smile, on my last tear, on my last talk, on my last cuddle or even on on my last breath. I trust you, Jungkook. I trust you, to the point that I want to marry you with your stupid jokes, your bunny smiles, the way you care for me, the loyalty to me even though I don't fit in your ideal woman and still get to look at other women and the way you handle responsibilities. I love you, Jungkook. I felt the warm in you. But the warm is turning into ice cold. To the point that I am freezing in place due to awkwardness and tension between us. You started to be like this when you met that game. I just wish that you can balance your addiction to that game so we can still interact with each other. I wish you had time for me. I wish you had time to make me smile. I wish you had time to make me laugh. Because I miss that. It has been months, Jungkook MONTHS. And you expect me to be okay? Do you even know how scared i am to lose you? NO. Because you're too focused on that game. Ugh.. I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm having so much pressure in my chest, it feels so rotten in it. I miss you Jeon Jungkook."

I didn't realized that tears are already flowing down and that my sweat was dripping from my chin.He was covering his mouth as he is crying with so much emotion. With so much passion. I want to hug him and make him feel alright but I don't know wether I'm doing the right thing or not. I was suprised. He approached me and layed his head on my neck, continuing his cry. I rested my arms between his arms and torso and hugged him tightly, as I remember the memories we had. He looked at me with sorrow.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to do this. I'm so sorry, I blame myself for this. I shouldn't have wasted my time only focusing on that game only. I'm so sorry. I miss you. And I love you.He held my chin and kissed my lips softly. Then he started to kiss me so passionately, I can feel the tremble in his lips when he touched my mine. The kiss was too passionate that I can't even breathe.

"Jungkook-ah!"
"I'm sorry. I just miss the taste of your lips." He smiled. I miss his beautiful bunny smile, with his lip mole under his lips, I miss his little gestures.

He held my hand and led me to the bed. He cuddled me to sleep.

This is what I miss.