I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I just kept walking away. Liam is gone. He left without giving me a chance. I didn't even want to go back to the party. It wasn't the same without Liam. Stupid Rebecca.
But, I guess I'll just have to give him a little bit of time.
~3 months later~
22 days ago
zayn: Liam please answer
zayn: I just want to talk to you love.
zayn: Come on don't be like this.
Zayn changed his name to Z
Z: Liam...please 😔
17 days ago
Z:Liam...?
Z: I'm finally making my album now :)
Z: Wish you were here with me at the studio. 😔
Z: I know this album is gonna be sick ✌
~~~~ I put my phone down and tossed it in front of me, still staring at it. I sighed and grabbed my pillow and began to cry. That's all I've been doing. Crying. And crying. And crying. My anxiety was getting even worse that I haven't evem been eating. Or shaving or doing anything. My parents went to Hawaii for vacation and who knows when they will be back. I just can't function.
People might think I over-exaggerating or that this crap is so cliché but you know what, fuck you. Being bisexual or even gay is not easy. Especially in the world we are living today. I knew Liam for a long time. And knowing that he had feelings for me made me happy because there are other people like me. There are people out there who see things differently. But there are those who don't like different. Liam was the one for me. I don't care if I sound so naïve or I'm too young to be in love or all that. Fuck you once more.
I turned 18 already. I'm consideres an adult now. So I can make my own fucking decisions. Dating Liam was my choice. Rebecca ruining it was not. I tried to fight for Liam. I truly did. But, it seems as if he gave up on us. I took him places. I dominated the fuck outta that guy. I knew I was younger, but I was way more mature than him. Him leaving me broke my heart. I want him back, but, I don't know if he wants me.
3 months is too much for me to handle. I knew this guy for 3 years, dated him for 2. Time flew by so fast. I remember I was 15 when I first saw him. Never spoke to him. 16 was when I slowly but surely started and 17 was when we blew up each others phone. I was suppose to be in the same grade as Liam, but I went to school late. I had problems because of my religion but that's another story. Liam and I became close. So close that we just knew each other like that. But all of it is over. And it's all my fucking fault.
~~~~
10 days ago
Z: Liam! I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST SONG EVER!!! OMG IT IS SO GREAT I THINK YOU ARE GONNA LOVE IT!
~~~~ I smiled so big when I sent that text because this was huge! My first song ever was finished and I couldn't wait to post it publicly. But my smile faded away once I realized that Liam wasn't going to answer back. He hasn't read any of my messages that I've sent the past month. Space Zayn. He needs space.
I turned off my phone and bit my inner cheek as I looked down at my bed sheets. Tears started to form as rain started to pour outside. I walked to my window and sat on the chair next to it and just looked out. All I do is just think. Thinking about life. Thinking if I should just move on from all this. Thinking if I should just forget about Liam. Or anyone in general. Thinking if I should just shut down.
The universe is testing me. I know. My relationships have not lasted very long at all. And all of it was my fault. I can't express my feelings. The only way I can do that is by getting tattoos. I have way too many but who cares. It's art. It's a way for people to express themselves. God I'm a mess. I stand up and go to the bathroom to look at myself.
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My shirt is ripped on both sleeves, I haven't shaved and my hair has gotten longer than before. I try to cheer myself up by looking presentable but there is no use. I look and the mirror and see a broken man. Bloodshot red eyes. Dry skin. Dirty.
"Come on Zayn. You need to lighten up." I tell myself. I wash my face and dry it with a small towel and look at the mirror once again. "Stay strong Malik." I sigh and walk out of the bathroom and into my room. The rain has gotten worse as the hours passed and it was only 3 p.m. I looked around my room and saw a picture sticking out between the book I was reading. I walked to my nightstand and pick up the book and open it so see the picture. It was of Liam and I. I smiled a little and turned the picture over, and saw a small note.
Dear Zayn, Well, I have not much to say because well, you leave me speechless. Honestly, I love you to pieces and you are the reason why I feel comfortable about myself and my sexuality. I remembered when we first started dating. It was the light of my life. I saw a spark in you the minute you told me you loved me. You literally made me who I am today and I thank you for that. You changed me. You are the reason why I'm still alive. I never told you that I was suicidal. And if my heart is broken, something bad can happen, but I have high hopes. I love you soooo much. - Liam ❣
I read the letter over and over. Especially the last part. "Suicidal...oh no." I looked up and turned my head to look at the window. "Liam." I whispered and grabbed my jacket, dropped the picture and ran out of the house.
