hoping for something new - h.s.

one.

amanda's pov

i reached for the knife on the marbled bathroom counter. wincing, i clutched my stomach while i attempted to get to my feet. i stood up, but immediately fell on the hard wood floor. the tears, that blurred my vision, stung my cuts and scraps on my face.

all the pain i've been through, all the tears, all the trips to the hospital or my therapist, would all be over soon. i won't have to deal with all that shit anymore. it will be over soon.
i finally manage to reach the knife. i grab just the edge of the handle and then i pull. the silver, grey blade of the knife is now within my reach. i reach for the cool blade. the knife falls to the floor. clutching my stomach still, i manage to grab the knife.

i take the knife and i slowly retrace my previous scars on my wrist with the blade of the knife, a reminder and memorial to the past attempts of suicide.

then i cut. i cut into my left pale wrist. i wince and yell at every cut i made. cut after cut, i winced louder. soon, winces became screams and screams became sobs.

all my pain will be gone, i thought.

i remember when I first felt depressed. it felt like i was black and white while everyone and everything was in bursting color. i wanted to be apart of all the color, but however, i do not belong. the soul selects our own society. a society where i am obviously not welcome in. i remember thinking that everything is moving while i am stuck in one place with no where to go.
then i saw black.

luke's pov

my lecture finally came to an end. i packed up my laptop and raced to my car. my roommate, michael, already knew that i was coming home this weekend to see my family. so i left.

i started the ignition of the car and drove off in the direction of my family's home. nirvana blasted through the car radio as wind whipped my dirty blonde hair. with every turn i took, i seemed to be more and more excited to see my family. i finally turned into my neighborhood and excitement took over me. singing along to "come as you are" by nirvana, i could barely contain my happiness. i came down our street and i saw that neither my mom's car nor my dad's were home. i assumed that both my parents were at work still. but i did see amanda's bike laying on the floor of the carport as i drove up the driveway. her light blue bike was still as girly as ever. i hopped out of the car, with my keys and phone at hand. i opened the front door of the house and to my surprise, the door was locked. i unlocked the door, letting myself in.

"i'm home!!" i called out to an empty house. no answer. odd. normally, mandy would come running. i peeked around the main floor of our small, cozy home. i hoped to find mandy. i called out once more, praying for an answer, maybe even footsteps or music playing.

"mandy must be listening to one direction really loud on her headphones again." i thought as i walked into the kitchen. the home i used to live in seemed eerily silent.

noticing that no one was here, i turned around to go upstairs. i walked up the stairs toward mandy's bedroom. knocking, I wished that she was in there. once again, no answer. i expected her to be dancing or sitting on her bed, jamming out. i opened the door and yet she wasn't there. her room was still the same as i remember it to be. covered in posters of one direction or another musical she was into. her room was messier than i remember it to be.

"teenagers." i said, chucking to myself.

maybe she's at a friend's house, i thought.

i closed mandy's bedroom door and walked to my bedroom. it was empty besides a few pieces of furniture. i remember my room would be alive with posters and pictures. clothes would decorate the carpeted floor. i walked out of my room and to the bathroom. the door was closed and i opened it.