hoping for something new - h.s.

five.

mandy's pov

fear. 

we all have it.  and the thing about fear is that it never leaves. its always there, watching you, waiting for its next move. 

still in that horrible hospital bed, i looked to luke. he had tears brimming both eyes. the sight of my brother crying because i'm doing this, really got to me. thats when the tears really started to pour. 

i saw harry. his lonely green eyes were fixated on my wrists. i slowly became so aware of myself and what was around me. i looked back, noticing the mess i made. harry ran a hand through his hair and his eyes meet my itchy blue eyes. his green eyes were calming and i felt that i was okay with harry just being here. us locking eyes, i felt like we were the only two people on earth. 

tears streamed down my face, notifying how i was feeling. 

nurses soon escorted harry out of the room. luke began to follow them but looked back at me with his sad blue eyes. then he walked away and out the door, leaving me behind. 

it took a minute for me to process what just happened. my chest became tight and the tears came even harder. 

i was choking on my breath, trying to cope with everything going on. 

*********

days at the hospital were endless. i don't even remember how long i was there. 

maybe a day or two ago, they transferred me to the mental hospital near by. a mental hospital where the rooms had nothing sharp or poisonous, they were dull, lifeless, boring. all there was a bed with a blanket and a pillow, basic furniture, like a desk and a nightstand, and a window looking out onto sydney. 

harry never came back to see me. the only people who visited are a nurse and a doctor. 

my mom? she wants to know everything. and i mean everything. she questions me every fucking day but i just ignore her. i can't relive what happened. and i try not to. my mom forces me to tell her anything, everything. but i keep my mouth shut. 

the doctor, dr. anne dawkins, shes nice. all though she asks the same questions my mom does, she is more understanding. she dealt with people like me before. she knows why i don't want to talk. 

when no one visits me or when i'm alone for a long time, i think. i think that depression is holding me captive. it's evil, i didn't choose to be kidnapped but yet here i am. i thought that, until now, i lived with my mouth under a lock and key. the depression inside was killing me, but no one knew until now. i thought about everything that i've been through, the agony, the torture. i thought that i was strong enough, i guess i wasn't. 

soon a flood of tears would rain down my face, like a perfect storm. 

that happened nearly everyday. 

luke's pov

i have never seen mandy so destroyed, in so much pain.  she looked so scared and hurt. and i never want to see her like that again. 

soon before that moment, i had finished hugging it out with ash, cal and mikey. the doctors had gotten mandy a room. my mom came soon after with tears in her eyes, but soon left right after. busy with work as usual. 

suddenly, i hear a voice call out "let me go!!!" i ran as fast as my legs could carry me. i knew it was mandy. 

i came to the room to find nurses trying to hold her down. what really scared me was mandy screaming those words. she really didn't want to live anymore because she was in so much pain. and i was so blind to not notice it. 

 at some family dinners where i came home from my classes, i noticed that mandy wasn't as perky as she was in the past year, when i started school. but nothing compared to what was happening. 

but i was most definitely not prepared for what happened next. 

harry willingly came back into the room to see if everything was okay. when he came in, his eyes widened in fear and horror. but harry didn't cry, or yell, he stood squared and simply comanded the nurses to let go of her. he said those words as if he's done this before. has he? 

a few days later, mandy had been transferred to a mental hospital. they put her their to try and keep her calm and sane. 

i had gotten harry's number that day at the hospital. he had said that he was in sydney only for a bit, due to one direction's up all night tour. he said that he only had a day left in here in austraila and that he was at the hospital getting vaccines for the next country they were going to. we had been in contact with each other for the past few days. in one of our text conversations, harry seemed very interested in mandy. 

harry: hey luke! what's shakin? 

luke: haha nothing much. i'm just chilling at the hospital again. 

harry: again? how's mandy?

harry: has she asked for me?

luke: shes okay. she got transferred to the mental hospital. and shes talking to the doctor. but not to me. 

luke: and no. she hasn't. that i know of. 

harry: wow. 

harry: don't worry bud :) she'll be okay soon. she seems very strong. 

luke: thanks harry. 

harry: oh, i want to ask you a quick question. 

luke: shoot. 

harry: is it possible for me to see her again? 

luke: no. 

luke: they only allow family. 

harry: you sure? cuz i really want to see her again. 

luke: yes. 

harry: oh okay. i get it. 

luke: sorry. i wish i could let you in. 

harry: its okay. 

i felt that harry was acting so strange. he seemed desperate to see mandy. did he like her? not that harry is a bad person, but i don't think she needs all that attention in the media especially with what's been happening. and lets not forget harry is a teen heartthrob. its just no what she needs. 

************

hey guys its court! 

i just wanted to let you guys know that i'm very sorry that i haven't been posting as often. 

i started school, and i've needing  a lot of time to myself. i need it really. i promise i'll post more often 

love ya 💜💜