🌱~Dear Diary,~🌱

July 26, 2017

Dear Diary,

Sorry it's been a while but BOY HAS CRAPOLA GONE DOWN SINCE I LAST LEFT AN ENTREE.

I screwed up big time.

So I'll start from the very very beginning of this huge mess I've gotten myself into. I found out that Kyle was apparently the person who came up with the prank as I told you about in my last diary entree. I honestly was so sad about it for a little bit but then I thought about it and got rly hecking aNgeRy. So I'm gonna be honest the whole situation definitely started out childish.

So me and Kyle had this convo in the group chat and I'm just gonna summarize it for you cause it's pretty long.

So I asked Kyle how his day was. I was having a rough day already because of something my mom said , but I guess Kyle was having a worse day because he said "you don't care neither do I , how was your day?" (Like I said I know it started out v immature but I mean it gets serious.)

From then on the saltiness just escalated until Kyle left the chat. I went on his Instagram and he had a few indirects. They had been all posted after we stopped talking and all basically said "wtf you're such a sensitive nine year old little bitch" and I knew they were directed at me. So at the time I was really mad and wasn't thinking my actions through (not that what I did next is excusable) so I posted an indirect that said "wow you really make me feel loved when I'm having a rough time :))))" something petty like that. About twenty minutes later I felt really bad and took it down.

Then I went to go on Kyles account.

And he soft blocked me.

[if you don't know what soft blocking is , it's where you block someone then unblock them and they won't be following you anymore]

And he had a private account so if I wanted to see what he was posting he had to see and accept my follow request. I know it's kinda mean and invading something I'm not supposed to be getting into , but I went on my other friends account and looked at Kyles account. It basically just had a few more posts saying the same thing.

But what he posted wasn't nearly as bad as what I was soon gonna get from someone else. So Kyle has had a crush on this girl Sofia for forever and they're best friends. So remember how in the past I've said that Kyle never goes to the person when he has an issue with someone , he trashtalks them behind their backs. So that's what happened to me. And you don't do that of all things to me.

It's litterally the one thing that gets me angrier than anything else. So I don't know what he told Sofia but Sofia went off on social media. I'm not gonna say what all she said because there's too much to summarize but it got to a point where I became obsessed with her opinion of me. At one point i was checking her profile every five minutes to see if she said another thing about me. I was kinda okay-ish until one particular post.

•TRIGGER WARNING: if cutting/suggested suicide triggers you please skip ahead.

So in this post it was all like her normal stuff ya know "God your such an idiot" "how does anyone stand to be around you" "wow your litterally the most emotional bitch to walk the Earth" "your so ugly and such a scaredy cat" but it ended with the phrase:

"Please do everyone a favor and please please please just fucking kill yourself , thanks sweety :)"

And I wasn't even near crying until I read that. I ran to the bathroom and almost immediately fell on the floor and started crying the hardest I think I ever have. Honestly. I know it seems really dramatic and I mean it is everything she's ever said is true , but it's one thing to say them about yourself then another thing to hear one of the most popular girls in your school say it to everyone at the middle school and half the Highschool (everyone who follows her I'm not exaggerating.)

I was scared I was gonna follow her advice if I didn't do something. So I did what I always did when I was having a session of crying on the bathroom floor wishing I was dead. Texted Kyle. So many times in the past Kyle had been the one to get me laughing when I feel like dying. Just text Kyle and everything will get better.

Spoiler alert: it got worse. So much worse

I texted Kyle that Someone had just told me to kill myself and I was pretty shaken up about it. This was his reply:

"Jesus Christ wtf is wrong with you you're literally the most overdramatic over sensitive little bitch I've ever met wtf I'm too tired to deal with your attention whore shit right now good fucking night"

And I didn't hesitate for a second to drop my phone and grab my razor and pull the blades out. I was moving and doing everything quickly and as I was about to press it deep into my wrist, I stopped.

I kept telling myself she's right cmon everyone would be so much better off without you in this world cmon stop being such a damn coward , oh my god it's just two deep vertical cuts you little bitch!

But I just did three small horizontal ones. And two seconds after I did what i did I threw the razor down and began to silently freak the heck out. That was my first cut and yeah like you've seen before I'm over dramatic. I sat there for a few minutes and cried then stopped and stared at a wall then cried more before I finally stood up and went to my bedroom.

Okay it calms down about suicide and no more cutting if you were skipping past here so yeah

I picked up my phone and DM Samantha the host of what happened. I quickly got a call from Samantha and picked up immediately. The first thing I heard:

"KYLIE IS A FUCKING SNAKE WHO DOESNT KNOW SHIT AND SOFIA HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FULL STORY IS SHE NEEDS TO STAY IN HER DAMN LANE" and we talked for a bit and she got me completely calmed down and everything.

And a few days after that I went to visit my moms , and btw it was my birthday week yeee! But of course the one week my mom is gonna be nice to me, it's ruined by who , you guessed it : Sofia and Kyle.

So now they were dating, they started the day after the whole 'kys fiasco' and of course when Kyle realized he didn't like her , he didn't go to her , he went to me and ranted about her.

So I decided that I would confront Sofia via DM if she's just gonna make indirects and not actually say it to my face-ish.

So i said :

"I know you probobly don't wanna talk to me and I understand that I wouldn't wanna talk to me either but I just have one question if you don't mind me asking: are those indirects about me or am I just being paranoid?"

I knew they were about me. But I just had hope , that maybe , just maybe , I was just paranoid and this was all one huge misunderstanding. But nope

"Yeah tbh they were about you"

So after that I asked her what was wrong and she explained that from the stuff she's heard about me she knows that I'm a self-centered , overdramatic , bipolar , cowardly NUT. After that I just kinda said okay me and the person your talking about made up so why are you mad.

She just said some more things like that and I eventually said sorry and we agreed to be not friends but not enimes either. But her posts online about me continued.

And crying in the bathroom silently so I don't wake any one up continued.

But something's changed a few days ago: my sister had seen her commenting stuff on my photos and asked about her , and I'm terrible at lying so I sort of blurted the whole thing to my sister (managing to leave out crying and cutting) and apparently my sister is friends with Sofias cousins and they have a plan to call her out and kick her ass once school starts.

If I'm being honest , Sofia can't fight at all. Her cousins fight like they're trying to murder them. (Seriously one of the fights Sofias cousin got into was brutal. At one point her cousin opened a top locker and grabbed the other girl by her hair and started slamming her nose/mouth/eyes into the corner)

I just really hope they forget about this before August 10th and nobody gets hurt badly.

Why am I the worst

Bye Diary,