Welcoming Committee - Markson

soixante et onze - F

**** Song : In My Veins by Andrew Belle **** 

Mark didn't bother responding, instead abandoning his phone on the sheets while he jolted out of bed. 

There was no way he could walk out the front door without having to explain why he was going out at 1 a.m. So, after a split second of consideration, Mark slipped into his shoes and carefully stepped out of his window. 

He got to the park in record time, hardly noticing his heavy breaths as he scanned the park for a sign of Jackson. Even though he was the only other person in the park, it took Mark a moment before he finally noticed the boy sitting on a slide. 

"Ka-" Mark felt as if he had lost his right to call Jackson that, and he quickly shut his mouth, approaching the boy without another word.

"I wasn't sure if you would come," Jackson admitted, looking up when he noticed Mark's feet in front of his. 

"I wouldn't just leave you hanging out here."

"You didn't respond, so I wasn't sure if you were ignoring me."

"I was just in a rush." Mark led them to a park bench, where there was more light, and then waited for Jackson to speak. After all, he had called Mark here for that reason, and Mark was finally ready to hear him out.

Maybe.

"I know you want to forget about the things that happened at your parent's house." 

"...."

Jackson turned to Mark, hoping he couldn't see the desperation in his eyes. "But I can't do that, Mark. I'm sorry, I just can't."

Mark wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond, and he shifted uncomfortably, looking at his lap. 

"You know, I didn't always know I was gay. My friend, Amber, and I, we actually dated for a really short time. Go figure, we were both using each other to shield the fact that we were gay. I love her, I do, but I could never quite love her, in that way. No matter how hard I tried. Through that, I realized that I shouldn't try and be somebody that I'm not. I confessed to her that I had been using her, and she had enough sense to smack me on the back of the head," Jackson smiled at the memory, "before telling me that we should be ashamed of ourselves for hiding our true feelings. Since then, I haven't felt sorry in any way for my preferences."

"Oh," Mark nodded awkwardly, "I'm glad you're true to yourself."

"Yeah, I am. Do you know why I told you this?"

"So we could get to know each other better?"

Jackson sighed, "no. Mark, I don't know how you feel about guys, or girls. I don't know what you want from me, and I don't know what you wish would happen between us. I do know, however, that whatever does happen, involves the both of us. So you need to stop ignoring it, because it's not going to go away."

"I didn't expect it to."

"But you wanted it to, right?"

"I guess I just didn't know how we were supposed to act, after that. I'm not interested in being involved with any of my friends, and I'm not gay."

Jackson stared at Mark, "you don't have to be. You can like whoever you want. What you can't do, is let this keep going on the way it is. Are we even friends anymore?"

"I... I don't know."

"Well, does that mean no?" Jackson turned his body towards Mark, a seriousness in his eyes that Mark wasn't used to. "Because I'd really like to be."

"We can't... we can't do that anymore. I don't want it."

Jackson winced, "that's fine, but you're not following your own rules, are you?"

"I just don't want anything to change between us. I don't want feelings to get involved."

"Too late, Mark, it's too late."

Now Mark was confused.

"This wasn't about being horny, Mark. God, it wasn't like that, not for me. Was it really just that for you?"

No, because Mark had stood Holly up. But he didn't want to go down this rabbit hole, he still didn't even understand what he was feeling.

"I like you, Mark. I tried so hard not to, but I can't stop."