Single » lashton

16 | feelings

1 6

third pov

"Everytime I try to make amends, try to let him back in, it's almost like he can't handle it. It's like he can't stand the thought of not having me in the way he used to. Like he can't stand the fact that I've moved on and found someone new, someone who treats me with so much lovingness that it's almost like a dream. I don't want to lose either of them, but maybe it's best if I let him go?"

"Who's "him" Ashton?"

"Luke. We've met a few times recently and I thought it would be fine, y'know, get onto friendship level again, but we got drunk and he kissed me... I've been too scared to try after that because I don't want to lose Connor... He means the world to me."

"Would it be so wrong to try once more? After this perhaps you'll know if there's anything to stick around for - maybe he's changed since you saw him last."

Ashton nodded, Noah always had good advice for him and he was thankful that on the fifth time he had managed to pick up the phone because Ashton had no idea who he would consult if Noah ignored his call. They talked for a few moments after that but they were both tired so found no use trying to carry conversation until they were both more awake.

Yet Ashton didn't sleep. He was too nervous. Would Connor like the idea of him meeting Luke again? Of course Connor would let him go and support him even. Ask to go along perhaps, but only as support. Connor was so damn glad he had a support like Connor to lean on when life got a little bit too hard, and he offered Connor the same support when it was needed.

Ashton was glad he didn't have to go through this alone.

- - - - - - - - - -

On the other side of the town, Luke was feeling alone. He hated how he had fucked up his situation with ashton more, yet he didn't regret the kiss all that much. He felt Ashton freeze and knew the kiss meant nothing to Ashton.

Ashton had fully moved on.

There were no sparks anymore, nothing making Luke feel fuzzy apart from the alcohol that was flowing his veins, like his love for Ashton used to.

Used to.

Used.

d.

Why at all the words that meant something great at one point, when a d was added, it suddenly meant the end. Luke didn't get it. He was sure his love for Ashton was real, yet obviously it wasn't enough, and maybe he was okay with that.

Maybe he was okay not being able to have Ashton in an intimate way again, he was okay with anything for Ashton, let alone a friendship. He had fucked up a lot, yet it was amazing what led to this character development.

He saw Ashton and Connor looking around Connor's exhibit from the side, how Ashton had looked at Luke's part without an emotion letting loose. How they had kissed with so much passion when it was the end, how Ashton's eyes lit up when he looked at Connor, when he looked at Ashton's part of this exhibit. And no, Luke's heart didn't hurt anymore.

His heart didn't hurt looking at how happy Ashton was, he didn't think of all the "could of been's" because he knew both of their lives would have been drastically different, and he was glad to see Ashton so happy and relaxed.