Did I mention that Mar doesn't really talk to me either. She's Demi's best friend so Demi told her what I said which made her think that everything I said to her is a lie too. She only talks to me if it's something that has to do with Max. I needed a release today and I was going to start self harming again. I was going to call Mar to pick up Max so I could be alone.
Phone call:
"Hello?'
"Hey umm Mar can you take care of Max? I have to work."
"Yeah of course, oh and don't call me Mar, you don't get the privilege anymore."
Before I could say anything she hung up.
I grabbed anything that Max needed like his toys or extra clothes just in case and put them in a bag. I felt tears in my eyes but I blinked them away and grabbed Max and told him that he's going to Marissas house.
He smiled at me and said ok. Marissa came quickly and took him. She didn't look at me or say hi she just took him and left. I took a deep breath a went up to the room and opened a jewelry box. I took out this small box that looked like it carried a ring but inside it was my blade. As I took it into my hands I felt myself take a big gulp. All these years clean...for what? To fall back to square one. I played with the sharp metal object in my hand and a smile came upon my face. I took a good grip of it. Pressing it against my skin I felt tears escape my eyes and I licked my lips as a salty taste hit upon them. I tried pressing the blade hard down on my wrist but the blade wouldn't cut. My hand wouldn't let me. I tried again but my hand was resisting. I kept going to a point where I got frustrated and threw the blade to the side. It hit the wall.
I took my knees and held them against my chest. And I began to sob so hard. How could I let myself lose everything? How could I be stupid enough to let bones control me. Bones... I forgot to tell you about him. When I was 12 I had a best friend. His name was Jack but he wanted to be badass so I gave him the nickname Bones. We use to do everything together. We even smoked pot once together. But I didn't like it one bit. One day he started hitting on me. He was my best friend so I didn't like him that way. He tried to kiss me but I pushed him away. He got mad at me so he walked away and I never saw him again. And I guess for the revenge of breaking his heart he wanted me to feel pain so he took away the one girl I loved. Yup I lost the one and only girl I love. I still have the ring on my finger. I never took it off. I didn't wanna think that me and her are really done. I love her. But maybe eventually I'll build the strength to take it off. I went through my jewelry box again. I looked through and there was a picture. A picture of me and Demi at the fair when we were 16. She was smiling and so was I. I still remember that day like if it was yesterday. Another sob escaped my lips. I put the photo away and picked myself up. I went to my bathroom to put water on my face.
As I looked into the bathroom mirror, anger began to take over my body. How could I be so stupid??? I hate myself so much. I punched the mirror and my knuckles began to bleed. But I didn't care. Who cares? Doesn't matter to me. I don't matter anymore. I really don't. That's when I started to break down. I started punching walls, I started throwing things. I started breaking things. I started screaming and crying at the same time. I couldn't take this. I just wanted to die. I fell to floor and sobbed so hard my whole body was hurting. Then I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and immediately feeling ok in their presence I just sunk into their arms.
"I'm sorry." I sobbed.
"Its ok."
"No I hurt you."
"Its ok."
"No I deserve to die alone."
"No you don't!"
"NONONONONO OK? I DO DESERVE TO DIE."
She stayed silent. And I mean she as in Demi.
"Demi..." I said which was barely let out.
"Yes?"
"I lied to you, I do love you. I've always loved you. I loved you since day one. I loved you since I first met you. I only lied to save Max. Im sorry Demi...I'm sorry." I said weakly.
I felt myself being carried and Demi put me on her lap and I kept crying and she tried soothing me by rubbing circles on my back.
"Mary.." she whispered.
I looked into her eyes.
"I forgive you." she said letting herself smile.
Just hearing those words brought joy to me. I embraced her into a hug. I couldn't let go I just love her so much. She grabbed my chin and lifted it and left a kiss upon my lips. I smiled. I needed her lips on mine. I missed her lips so much. She held me close to her and I felt her tears hit me. I grabbed her face and wiped her tears away and left kisses upon her face. She embraced me into a big hug and didn't let go.
"Mary?"
"Hmm?"
"I forgave you the minute I saw you walk in with max. I saw the hurt in your eyes. And my heart told me that you did love me and that you lied saying that you don't. I know you love me mary... and I love you too, with all my heart." she said with a small smile.
"I'll always love you Demi. You're my everything." I said not letting go of her.
She grabbed my hands and looked at my bleeding and bruised knuckles.
"Lets clean you up. And lets clean this place up." Demi said as she kissed my forehead and picked me up.
She put me on the bathroom counter and saw the mirror and she gasped. I looked down at the ground. She lifted my chin and gave me a cheesy smile and did a silly face to make me laugh and I did. I love this girl sososo much. As she was cleaning my knuckles I stopped her and she looked up at me. I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her closer to me by wrapping my legs around her waist and I kissed her. I gave her a kiss with all the passion I had in me. She kissed back and we stopped for air. She gave me her signature smile. It was silent but the silence was comfortable.
"Babe?" it felt good hearing her say that.
"Yeah?"
"I'll be back, im gonna go downstairs to get more rags to clean you up ok?"
I smiled at her. "Ok."
She went downstairs. I heard my phone receive a text message. I hopped off the bathroom counter and checked the message. My smile disappeared.
text: Oh Mary...this isn't over yet ;) ~Bones.
