Omegle

24- Thoughts💭

What does one do after a break up from a toxic relationship?

If you ask me I would say, 'binge watch Netflix and eat chocolate'

But I can't do that all the time.

So what I like to do is try and numb the pain.

There's this pain that has stuck with me ever since we broke up and it hasn't gotten away.

Yeah I get it, if we didn't know pain we wouldn't know joy, but I don't want the pain to end. I mean don't get me wrong, I wish the pain would end but I just want it to at least fade.

I wake up and unlock my phone every morning and go to text him. And for a second, just for a second the pain is gone. And then I realize that he's not mine anymore and that he's gone. Sure enough, then, the pain comes back.

Just like waves in the ocean. They pull you back and then crash down again just so they could pull you back in again and repeat.

I should be happy, I think to myself.

I'm out of the toxic relationship and I'm on my own now. I can be independent and look at hot guys whenever I want and I don't have to feel the weight of someone else.

But I don't want that. I don't want to be independent. Not that I want someone to rely on, no thanks I can do things myself but I want to go home and be able to tell someone every aspect of my day and ask them about their's and listen to the pointless drama in their life that I'm now sharing with them and fake laugh at their boring jokes.

I don't want to look at hot guys whenever I want because that lasts a second while a relationship lasts longer. It's pleasure for a second but after that second passes, like any other second in time, it becomes history and it's over.

I don't want him back. I just want the thought of him to exit my mind and let me move on and pretend it never happened.

But the world isn't a wish granting factory.

^the fault in our stars😭❤️