Cheeky

№ 28. Choices

    Losing my virginity wasn't exactly a fairy tale. It was rushed, cramped, and sweaty. There were no vanilla-scented candles, it wasn't at night or after prom, and there definitely wasn't any soft music in the background. But it was still wonderful to me.

    It was all about timing and secrecy,  especially after waiting for so long. So the one day that Blake's parents weren't home and neither were mine, we practically ran from school to his house. We sprinted up his cream carpeted stairs and burst into his bedroom where clothes went flying and we somehow managed to fit together in his twin bed. It wasn't as long as I expected, but I didn't mind.

   I didn't mind that my bra was still on and so were his socks. I didn't mind the fact that basically half of my body was falling off the bed. I didn't mind that his walls were plastered with sports posters and baseball jerseys and yeah, the back of his door had an obscene poster of Kate Upton taped to it.

   Because I was with him. I was the girl he had his arms wrapped around. I was the girl that he had waited for patiently for five months. And he was my first. I knew that I wasn't Jeremy's first,  his was Aubrey Leeman over a year ago. They broke up and a few months later he found me. He said I was different, that what he felt with me was unlike anything in this world. He loved me.

   After five months I finally admitted that I loved him too. I didn't want to come off clingy - I was terrified of losing him. But Jeremy was so sweet, and he said that he wanted to show me how much I meant to him. So when Jeremy's parents went to Aspen for the weekend and Mom decided to go on some Buddhist retreat, we found ourselves giddy and ready.

   We laid in his bed, panting and at a loss for words. I gripped the bed covering high over my chest and blew the hair out of my eyes, turning my head to glance at him. Jeremy had such a stupid grin plastered over his face which led me to burst into full fledged laughter.

"What!" Jeremy turned on his side with a smug look and I hid my face under the sheets, letting my voice echo throughout the room.

   He grabbed at the covers and wrenched them from me, revealing my pink cheeks and watery eyes. I couldn't help it,  it was priceless.

"Cass, what are you laughing at?"

"You look like you just won the lottery, it's t-too good," I chuckled.

   Jeremy rolled his eyes and suddenly locked his arms underneath me, heaving me up into his embrace. I lessened the intensity of my fit, but continued to giggle.

"Well I did didn't I?"

   His mouth quirked up at the edges and his eyes softened, amused as well.  He leaned in and captured my lips, pecking gently  until he leaned back and took a good look at me.

   It made me squirm a bit, I wasn't exactly nicely dressed. My hair was mussed and fell sloppily around my shoulders while my belly was bare and my chest was concealed by my simple, black bra. I reached up to cover myself, but he caught my hands and held them in his.

"You look beautiful."

   I know that everyone says you become a woman when you go through that big step nature has planned. But when I got my period for the first time, I bawled my eyes out. I was twelve and thought I was dying from some flesh eating disease that might have been contracted via monkey bars. It wasn't exactly life altering, just traumatic. But when Jeremy and I went out for ice cream later that night near the beach, I felt like a woman.

   I felt sexy and confident, maybe even more mature. Because he looked at me and thought I was beautiful. Not cute or pretty as he usually said, but beautiful. It meant a world of difference,  and Jeremy held me like I was the only girl on the face of the Earth. I felt like I mattered.