Enantiodromia (Kellic)

33. Pretty Blue Eyes

This is chapter full of time lapses. This info will not be on the dot, sorry.
"When I went to rehab...they make you do this thing where you draw a circle that represents you and then you draw all these other circles that are all the drugs you've ever done, and you draw circle for how big each one is or how important it is to you. And then you do a second drawing where you do you and then all the things in your life that are important and how important they are. Then you put them over the top of each other and with most addicts... The drugs are bigger than the drawing. With mine music was bigger than heroin was. I sort of at that moment realized that I couldn't do both."
Josh Ramsay

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Vic pov

My therapist sat a piece of paper on the table in front of me with a pen. "Draw a circle." She instructed. I did as she said. "Now, inside that circle, draw circles to represent all the drugs you've done. How big the circle is determines how important the drug is, or was to you."

So I drew my circles, some drugs I didn't include, because I only briefly did them or I didn't really like them. When I was finished, I looked up at her expectantly. She nodded. "Alright." She handed me another piece of paper and continued. "Now, draw a circle again. That's you, now once again draw more circles inside that circle to represent important things in your life besides drugs. Same concept about size." She says.

I do as she says when when I'm finished, she takes both pieces of paper and holds them up in front of her.

"Whose Mikey?" She asks, not taking her eyes away from the papers.

"My brother." I reply.

"Well, he's more important to you than heroin." Sh said. And then she set down the papers and walked out of the room with the pen. I saw there and stared down at the papers and realized how these circles compared the drugs to what I find important, and the part that made me cry was that heroin was bigger than music. I had really lost myself

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I sat in the dark room, in the roll-y chair across the dark wood desk from my therapist, Dr. Kasey. She sat forward with her hands clasped. This was our first private session together, my second day here. We've been staring eachother down for 6 minutes now.

"Why did you start using, Vic?" She says, tilting her head, her eyes digging holes into my soul. I break eye contact first, switching my attention to my hands, folded in my lap. How silly will it sound when I tell it because of music block? I considered lying for a moment but decided against it.

There was a slight silence before I spoke. "In 9th grade, I had lost my musical inspiration. I was researching how to get over this block I was in, and I came across some guy who said doing hallucinogenic drugs can give you a muse. He said to start with shrooms. So I did."

"Okay, why didn't you stop. It obviously became more than inspiration. And heroin isn't something that grows from the ground, exactly. "

I gulp. I can hear my blood running through my veins. I could hear the clock ticking louder than before. Could she make that stop? My palms were sweating. I didn't like thinking about this.

"I.. I don't know. I liked the feeling. " I spoke, avoiding the key reasons. She gave me a skeptical look before opening the folder that was next to her with my name on it.mshe opened it and turned it to me.