Burn the Pages

not anymore.

"That'll be 29.96," she flashes me a set of teeth so perfect that I want to ask if she's wearing dentures. Or what the name of her dentist is, as if it'll really matter to me after tomorrow night.

But instead, I stare at the total on the little pop up screen. And it stares right back. Illuminated in neon green, 29.96 is clear as day. Okay, it's not like I don't have the money for it. I don't have anything less than a hundred bucks on me right now. But do I really want to spend thirty bucks on hair dye? Especially when after tomorrow night, money is going to be so important to me?

Professional. Color will NEVER fade! Long lasting. Get up to six months worth of color! Wash as many times as needed, color will look salon fresh! America's #1 permanent hair dye!

Denture girl drums her acrylic fingernails along the counter, rather impatiently, so I fish a twenty and a ten from my wallet. Thirty bucks is a lot on hair dye. But if I'm going to go this big... I might as well commit. I need this to last long. I don't know when the next time I'll be around a Sally's Beauty Store might be. Could be months from now. Hell... maybe a year.

"You'll look amazing as a brunette," she rings me up and bags the dye. "You have a really delicate, round face. And gorgeous brown eyes. The brunette will really make them pop. You know my natural hair color is a lot like yours," she leans toward me and shoves a luscious lock of her fire engine red hair in my face. "It's that light brown color, sort of a dirty blonde? Can't really see it much now, but. Brunette will look amazing on you. Trust me."

"Yeah, I...," I clear my throat, then lick my lips. They should be lubricated for this lie. "Just wanted to go darker for the winter, you know. Darker in the winter, lighter in the summer?"

"Totally!" She tears the receipt off and hands it to me. "You take care and have a good day. Come back anytime!"

"You too," I loop the plastic bag on my wrist and shake my head at the four pennies she's trying to offer. "You keep the change."

I'm trying to imagine myself as a brunette and I'm not sure I can. I guess maybe it won't be that drastic. My natural color isn't too far off of brunette. At waist length, my hair is maybe a shade or two off of chestnut brown. A really deep chocolate brown is what I've got in my bag. Let's hope it works wonders. I've gotta wait until tomorrow night to find out.

I wonder if I'll miss anything about Maryland. I wonder if I'll miss the snowflakes collecting in my hair or the air that's crisp and dry in the winters. I wonder if I'll miss the simplicity of being able to walk down the street and end up at a Dunkin Donuts, or being able to look out my bedroom window and see clear into Mrs. Dixon's yard. Or who knows? Maybe I'll end up some place where the weather is exactly like Maryland weather, some place that has corner stores and donut shops on every end of the street, somewhere with more neighbors. I could end up anywhere after tomorrow.

I don't exactly know where I'm going, but any place is better than where I am.

" 'Scuse me," I mumble to the woman I nearly run into coming out of the automatic doors.

"Oh, Mrs. Stadler!" she retorts, and my face drops.

Well, I know this is one thing about this life that I won't miss. I don't think I'll ever quite get used to people knowing who I am when I have no idea who they are.

"Hello," I put on my best fake-friendly voice possible and force this woman a smile. Her face is familiar. Her sunken blue eyes, curly gray hair. I know her face... but her name? Beats me. "Nice to you see you again, Ms..."

"Hendrix," she smiles so hard that her thin little lips look like they might crack, but she offers a hand that I shake. "My Tommy works with Paul. Fine, fine surgeon Paul is turning out to be. You must be so proud. And congratulations!"