A Letter To My Love: A Stolen Novel

Chapter 15

Realization began to shine through your bright green eyes as I pulled back the curtains to let the natural light in. 

Your eyes flickered every which way as you soaked in all of the colors, the reds, blues, oranges, yellows, all of it being absorbed until you realized you were in the middle of chaos, a masterpiece that had managed to change forms by your harsh movements. 

You parted your mouth, ready to scream as you noticed your outstretched hands covered in my homemade red paint, probably suspecting it was blood and that I had once again caused you unwanted pain. 

Before your thought process could accelerate and before any more damage could be done, I chimed in quietly as I was attempting to hold back tears. "It's paint," I could barely contain my anguish. "Made from the rocks." I pointed at my wooden work table with the rocks to help you understand. 

Your eyes attempted to find me as your body moved with them, and when you did, you didn't even attempt an apology. In fact, the fear still lingered on your face, fight or flight mode about to kick into high gear. Instead of choosing flight mode, you chose to fight as you scooted backward and reached your hand behind you to find a weapon of some sort; you winced when you touched the spinifex. You backed up farther until your back was arched up against the wall; your body was tiny and small in a large corner of the room. You were there with your hands on your knees, trapped like a helpless animal that needed saving before a predator would attack. In this instance, you believed your savior to be the predator, ready to pounce. 

My breath hitched when I noticed your breathing becoming staggered. I made no move towards you for the very fact that you were scared; you needed comfort, just not mine. I was too angry and upset to provide any warmth as well. Focusing on my anger, trying to calm down, the wall broke inside of my mind, and for the second time since you arrived in paradise, I cried, not just a few lonely tears, but a whole waterfall of built-up snotty sobs. Through my blurry vision, I saw your eyes land directly on me and stay there, focusing on me, focusing on my pool of misery. I made no move to wipe away my shed tears but instead took a small step towards you when you began to look at my artwork. Your eyes darted towards me once again; instead of jumping to the opportunity to tie you back up until you were ready to be in here again, I bent down to stare at my artwork that was now ruined. I touched the colors as they smudged up on my fingers and embedded reds and blues into my nailbeds. 

"You're sitting in my painting," My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew you could hear me. I touched the leaves that I had glued onto the artwork to help make the trees look lively. You had made the sun whither away in my masterpiece; there was no longer sun, just smatterings of random, misplaced color that provided no warmth to the living. "I made all this." I shook my head, trying to concentrate on you rather than the mess you made. I moved my hand further down towards the sand, feeling the grains beneath my fingers. I closed my eyes, focusing only on that until there were no more tears left to blink back. "There were patterns, and shapes, made from the land...." I shook my head, dropping it until you couldn't see my emotions that are being worn on my sleeve. "But you created a different pattern, I guess... In a way, it's almost better. You're part of it."

Your eyes scanned over the artwork as you attempted to get to your feet. You stood on shaky feet, scared to move, scared to leave. I hated that I had made you scared to be yourself when in my presence. 

Once I took a deep, soothing breath, I spoke in the same whispered voice, "I didn't mean to scare you; I was worried about the painting; I've been working on it for a long time." I should have been more concerned about your well-being in those moments and had kept in mind that you still feared me and thought I was a monster.  

"I thought you were going to... I thought..." You piped up, your voice shaky with fear cutting through. 

"I know." I wanted to hug you but knew it best to leave you alone. Instead, I ran a hand through my hair to think about where to proceed from here and how to make you more comfortable staying here with me forever. 

"Just relax," I said after what felt like hours of dead silence. "Please, relax. For once," I threw my hands up into the air, not in anger, but frustration about or situation. "Neither of us can go on like this. Just trust that it's all for the best." 

I looked at you with no anger but with compassion. 

You stepped up, close to me, closer than you had ever gotten to me before, and said in a small voice, "OK." Those words brought music to my ears, knowing that we were finally making progress on our relationship; maybe you would acclimatize to your living situation soon. You even smiled as you said those words, your smiles were a rarity here, and I'd take them any chance I could get. 

You weren't done speaking, though; there was more, more I had to prepare for mentally. 

"Just let me go," You spoke in the same friendly tone as before. "Just for a bit, a little while even, It'll be OK." You tried to reassure me with that candy-sweet tone. The sweetness made my stomach churn as I realized it was all a ploy, a tactic you had made to get away, not from paradise, but for me. 

I didn't speak an answer right away as more tears seeped through my wall. 

"Fine." I got out through gritted teeth, still not prepared to let you go, but knowing I must. "I won't stop you. It'll only save you when you get lost." Those were my last words to you as you swiftly ran out the door, not waiting to see if I would be okay or if I would ever be okay again.