A Letter To My Love: A Stolen Novel

Chapter 16

My body slumped down to where you once had fallen. The tears kept seeping through my wall. My walls crashed down, and I feared they would never build themselves back up. No matter how much I willed them to come back. I yearned for those walls to help me keep a semblance of composure about as much as I yearned for you to give in to this reality and finally be mine. Wishful thinking, I s'pose. 

When I stood up, I left the imprint of the wet paint on my ass. It carried the imprint of you and what I had created. The anger that we needed to part with resided on my tan pants. The harsh reds and cruel browns remained on these pants, and the paint could never be removed, but they also had become my favorite pants along the way. In a twisted way, I am glad that you destroyed my previous work to create something together. Something tragic and beautiful. Something that pertained strictly to us. 

I am sorry what you are about to read, Gem. I only wished to be your strength. But my artwork is my vulnerability, and when you destroyed it, I lashed out. Not towards you, I would never hurt you, but I am not saying that I wouldn't hurt myself. Because I would, and I have, and I do. 

"Fuck!" I screamed as my fists thrashed into the wall, barely avoiding a stray nail. My heart was battered and torn at the seams. My mind wanted to inflict harm until my body became one with the sand, floating away into the eternal wind. Becoming dust, ash, and tranquil. I would leave behind my war. 

But I could never do that to you. You are the sole reason I live. 

With one last blow to the fist, I managed to stop myself before my fists crackled and bled all over the wall. 

A shy butterfly drifted in with the wind: an ornithoptera euphorion, the Cairns birdwing. It's a male. You can always tell with these little guys because males are always green, your favorite color. 

I brushed my fingers across the tips as the butterfly moved towards the door. It was probably searching for you to bring about comfort that I never seemed to be able to. 

You know, Gem, butterflies are never able to see themselves. They only exist for us to enjoy for a month or two, and then they depart from this world. At the time, I thought the Cairns birdwing was meant to see you, but I was wrong. The Cairns birdwing was here to let me know that our time would soon be cut short. 

The butterfly flew into my arms with one last gasping breath before he passed on. 

All of a sudden, my anger released as I gingerly buried the creature into the ground.

And, at that moment, I knew what I would do next.