Our love is madness...

Chapter 1

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*****Jasmines POV*****

Life sucks. I have to go to school or in other words hell. Everyone hates me there. I hate everyone their. I only have three friends. none of them know my secret. Just my little 'friend', the one that brings me happiness and hatred towards myself at the same time.

It takes super human strength to do anything. Even just to smile. yea it may look like I'm happy but does anyone actually look into my eyes? do they actually see that I'm falling apart? No. because all the gossip is about boys, boys oh and did I forget boys. All the boys are stuck up cunts. there's this one though, he's different from the rest. Do you know where I'm going with this? No you don't.

He's different from the rest because he's told me to neck myself five times. He's told me to go home and slit my wrists multiple times. He's the one causing me grief. But do you know what the worst part is? All his friends laugh at me. They laugh and won't stop until they get a reaction from me.

The worst one they got from me was when I screamed 'stop!' and ran out of the classroom crying. But I didn't stop. I ran home. I didn't go to school for a week because I chucked a sicky.

Only one person has actually cared, well tried. My English teacher asked me what wrong. I didn't really know how to react. I wanted to tell him everything but all I did was pull my sleeves down and reply with "I'm fine" but he was just like all the rest. He didn't see the pain in my eyes. He said "that's good, you've just been quiet lately." as I was angry because he didn't see the heartache and pain I replied with "nobody plans a murder out loud" and walked out of the room.

Enough about that. I always remember this time in my life because I thought that he cared but I guess not. it may be stupid that I'm writing in this stupid book but my physiologist suggested that I wrote down my thoughts and the things that have been good or bad down.

The day started out as usual, my mum and my step dad (*roles eyes with hatred*) wake me up. so it get back at him I plug in my phone and blast deadstar by muse in. "Now your tired of fighting, tired of fighting, fighting yourself." I scream at the top of my lungs along with matt. "shame on you for thinking, your all alone, if you want I'll make you wish you were." The only thing is that I am actually alone.

I head bang to the chorus' and technically the whole song. I can hear my step dad scream "turn that shit off!" so what did I do? I scream back "sorry I can't hear your over how awesome muse are." and dance around my room until the song finishes. then a crying shame comes on. I don't bother to turn down the volume, I just start to get ready for school. stupid fucking uniform. luckily it's winter here in England. I put on my sweater and a few bracelets just in case my sleeves come up. I put on my black stockings to cover up the scars on my legs.

"You ready for school?" I here my mum shout.

"One sec I just need this song to finish" as 'in your world' comes on.

I'm hurting you again

Too lonely to pretend

In your world no one is trying alone, in your world no one is dying alone.

I just love the lyrics in this song.

"I'll promise you to blow it all away" I sing as I hear my mums car start up.

The song finishes and I grab my head phones and I don't bother taking any food to school as I'm too fat for that and cbf.

I walk up to the school gates just to be greeted by that 'special' boy.

"Did you have fun last night?" he asks as he makes a signal that he is cutting his wrists.

"Did you have fun sticking your tongue down your mums throat." I say while sticking up my finger and turning up the volume as killing in the name is playing and the part 'fuck you I won't do what you tell me.' comes on. this song is my jam right now. my mum says why don't you listen to one direction or something. I simply replied with "why would I want to listen to cats dying." she said "well at least it's better than listening to people screaming into a microphone" she's referring to ptv, sws, bvb and bmth. "Hey I'm sorry that their songs are meaningful and are better than that stupid crap that's on the radio." I said this while going to my room and turning up king for a day as Kellin Quinn is featured in it from sleeping with sirens.

I really don't know why I remember all These things but oh wait I have a photographic memory. everyone thinks that It would be awesome. well it's not, you remember every single little detail of hell. I don't have to study because I remember all the things in class.

I go to my first class, math. I sit up the back next to the only wall that is actually free of gum besides one or two pieces. Nobody sits next to me because apparently I'm 'emo', whatever. I put in my head phones and 'a match into water' comes on by pierce the veil.

I kissed the scars on her skin, I still think your beautiful and I don't ever want to loose my best friend. I screamed out god you vulture bring her back or take me with her.

I love that part in the song. As I'm caught up in my music. I hear my teacher.

"Jasmine, take out your headphones." Argh I hate this teacher.

"Sorry I can't hear you over Vic Fuentes."

"Jasmine! don't be smart with me."

"Sorry what was that?" I say smirking.

"Do you want to go to the deputy's office."

"Why would I have to go to the deputy's office when I remember everything we've been learning about." I say scanning the board and reading it really fast.

"Okay then, what have we been learning about."

"Useless things like, fractions and changing them to percentages, decimals and a load of other shit." of course I could've said word for word what she had said because she speaks so loudly but I wanted to piss her off a little bit.

In the end I got a detention but I didn't end up going. the day rolls on, finally last period. but then I remember that 'special' guy is in my class. "fuck" I mumble under my breathe. I turn up the volume as 'the resistance live at Rome Olympic stadium' comes on. I have to restrain myself from crying as this song is so beautiful. I see that retched creature talking to the slut of my grade, surprise surprise.

I love this song, it makes me forget about a lot of things. Even if it's just for a few moments. then he screams out "have fun tonight." he says and everyone laughs. I really don't get how that is so funny. I simply try to ignore him, try being the key word as the stupid voices in my head tell me otherwise. 'can time go any slower' I say as I just want to go home. I hear the teacher blabber in about stupid things but I remember it like fuck. why do I have to remember every single little thing that he says? why do I have to remember their laughs? all it does is replay in my head. then the voices kick in. 'your worthless, start listening to then. everyone hates you' I seriously can't concentrate.

Finally I can go home. yes! freedom at last. no, wait. The stupid fucking voices in my head. my mums not home yet, either is my step dad. I go up to my room and put my music on shuffle. 'screenager' comes on and I flop onto my bed remember the shit day I had.

I'm really not looking forward to tonight, but maybe I might release some pain.
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Writers note: I deleted my two other stories as I read a writers tip book and I realised that I do a lot of the things that I shouldn't do. Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter and please give me feedback in the comments and vote if it was good. Sorry If this book seems a bit depressing, I have a few friends that have problems with depression, anxiety and eating disorders so I thought I might write a book about it. if you ever need to talk I'm always here. Thanks xxx (btw this is like chapter one and a prologue because idk I felt like it)