Our love is madness...

Chapter 19

-

-

Finally after 2 weeks of being in bloody hospital I have finally moved into the place that I will be loving in for the next 6 weeks. It's right near the hospital and for the next couple of weeks they will need to check up on me daily.

Matt says he is going to visit me every single day, which I am extremely grateful for.

As I sit in my shabby room I think about everything that I've gone through, I think it is true what they say, that after having an operation you do start to feel depressed. Because you ask yourself why me? and you wonder if there is a god out there that he wouldn't do this. Because if god loved his people so much that he gave his own life for us then why is he taking others lives away? people are dying too young these days to the stupidest things. Like idiotic drunks driving around and killing innocent children for no reason.

It makes me so mad, so to get my anger out I put of mice and men on. I've recently started to get into them. But one of the good songs to get your anger out on is 'public service announcement' from their latest album restoring force.

After my hit of anger from omam I decide to put muse on and 'glorious' comes on from bhar.

I blast it from my laptop and start singing the chorus.

"It rockets through the universe, it fuels the lies and feeds the curse" I sing out before I feel a pair of arms snake around my waist.

"Hey." I hear Matt mumble into my shoulder.

"Hey." I say tilting my head back and resting it on his chest.

We stand there for a bit before I let go and sit on my bed.

He looks at me and smiles.

"Yes?" I ask grinning at him.

"Nothing." he says. He looks for a while at my room, like he's inspecting it or something.

He grabs my hand and pulls I stagger to my feet as he keeps pulling at my arm. What does he want?

Eventually we end up outside on the back porch. Nobody really comes out here.

"Yes?" I ask breathing out.

"I just wanted to talk out here." he says giving me a cheeky smile.

"So you had to pull me all the way out here?." I ask.

"Um, yes." he says cheekily.

He sits there staring at me and I stare back. I still remember the day we met. I remember everything, from what he wore to what he said. I remember the song we were listening to in the car. I remember everything.

But I also remember everything that happened before that.

**THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE, IF SO SKIP THIS PART**

**flashback**

I sit all alone in my room. The room is in darkness besides a lamp. The one lamp that supports me when I need to release all the pain.

I turn to the little black box underneath my bed. I open it to find my blades. It's like they're whispering my name.

I pull out my new one, it's nice and sharp. I put it to my skin as I feel my tears gently fall down my face. I hold the blade against my skin and quickly in one swift motion open up my arm.

It's the deepest I've ever cut. I do it again, and again, and again , and again, until their is nothing left but a torn up arm that's red.

Isn't it amazing how I draw with silver and it comes out red?

**flashback over**

"Jasmine." I hear Matt call.

"Sorry, I zoned out for a bit." I say shaking my head.

-

-

Authors note: sorry I know that this chapter is short but I have exams and physie competitions so I haven't been able to update.

I'm very sorry if this chapter was triggering to anyone.

Keep museing on with your museyness xx.