Second Place Graphics Winner: Red

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Let's first talk about your title. While I encourage you for having a short title, it is unoriginal and not very eye catching for a fantasy story. I've seen it done before. I would recommend something more eye catching that isn't particularly a color, perhaps like your country's name or your city's name, or even the name of your main character.

The cover: I like it, but it has some flaws. For one the sticker is unappealing where it is, plus it draws away from the beauty of the cover. If you wish to keep it try changing the colors to match your cover's color scheme. The font could use some work, it looks so plain compared to your cover, and since your font is the focal point of your cover, I wouldn't have it as simple plain white text.

I like your blurb, it is vague but gives enough detail to draw the reader in. However, I noticed a few errors. First, you have a sentence fragment. The main problem I see is that you do a lot of unnecessary paragraphs, as in you start a new paragraph when you don't need to. I know you're going for effect, but you do it way too many times.

The grammar was pretty good, but you did have a few sentence fragments and misspellings here and there. Again, your paragraph spacing is throwing off the story. There are moments when you shouldn't have started a new paragraph and it's making your story look sloppy. I also saw that while it looked like you started a yet it didn't space it like the others. There is also moments where you didn't space words. When you use parentheses there shouldn't be a space between them, or if you want a space, do it in all ends. I noticed in the second chapter you had page breakers as a way to transition, that is considered lazy and I wouldn't recommend it as a way to transition.

The characters were somewhat interesting. I couldn't really get a feel for them, the problem wasn't the way you described them, it was the fact that you introduced way too many characters at once. It comes out as rushed when you do that, take your time, the pacing is important to the story and if you rush your readers won't care for the characters which will lead to them losing interest in the story.

Overall I can see the plot being interesting to others and catching their eyes; however, you can be over descriptive. The pacing is messing with your story. I love the narrative feel to it, but I wouldn't recommend using parentheses as a way to insert his extra comments. That's my overall opinion.

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