ironic

⦅ ⦆

Jan. 19, 2005

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Has anyone asked you that question before?

Well for Lisa, the answer is no. Nobody asked her that before. Nobody cared enough to.

So now that someone finally did, her heart danced a little, though a little startled, but she knew that being happy about this is useless.

Lisa didnt have to think about what to answer. It was something she knew for a long time already.

The answer was something that came directly from her heart, something that she knows she really wants to be. Something that she knows she really is.

She continued to stare at the sunset, something that she loved doing. They were at the lighthouse, so they had the prefect view.

"I want to be a dancer."

Ten's face softened.

"I want to be someone famous. Someone people would remember. Someone who would help people feel better."

It felt good saying that. She felt untouchable, like no one is going to stop her from achieving that. But at the same time, her heart ached as she said those words, knowing damn well that its never going to happen. She held a perfectly collected face and posture, though she's having a break down inside.

"You have to work hard for that."

She scoffed softly, her eyes burning from staring at the bright sun. But it didnt hurt, no, not at all. If anything, it brought comfort. The sight was something that calmed her, something that keeps her from lashing out.

Working hard isnt the problem. She can be the most passionate and hard working person. Having the talent or the determination is not the case.

Its her.

Who she is.

She's the daughter of a most-wanted.

Who would support such a person?

"Will I ever see you again?"

Tug.

Here it goes.

Tears were felt at the back of her eyes, but she held it in. Her lips were slightly quivering, her hands were gripping the bar too tightly that it started to hurt. It felt like she's going to dissolve into pieces if she doesnt let go but no, the tears had to be kept inside. No matter what.

Ten, on the other hand, was already crying. Lisa is his only friend. In fact theyre each other's rock. They kept each other sane, though that would seem dramatic since theyre only 12 and 13 year olds, but its the truth, considering their lives.

"Maybe," the girl finally answered, sounding breathless and unsure. "Hopefully."

Seconds.

A few more seconds until someone will yell her name and drag her out of this place.

From where she was born.

From where she earned knowledge about the real world.

From her home.

She finally turned to her friend, pushing her pride aside and plastering the worried look on her face.

It wasnt just a worried look.

It was a nervous one.

A scared one.

And that look is what her friend despises the most.

"You gotta promise me something."

She stepped closer, her shaking hands moving forward to cup the other's cheeks. She wiped the tears using her thumbs and forced out a smile.

"Youre not gonna get in trouble, okay? Youre not gonna be like them. We're not gonna be like them, you hear me? We're different. We'll see each other in the future without guilt or blood in our hands. You gotta promise me at least that."

Ten nodded eagerly, and closed the space between them. The thought of Lisa, the only real family he'd ever known, leaving scared him to death.

He hugged her tight, and the action almost made the tears fall.

Almost.

"Lisa!"

Tug.

Lisa hugged back quickly, trying to feel the other in her arms as clearly as possible so she would have something to look back on when things get rough. Then she whispered in his ear, before pulling away and going down the steep stairs of the lighthouse, ignoring the weeping boy behind her.

"Come on, hurry up!"

Her father reached for her hand and she took it. They got inside a car quickly, the smell of cigarettes making her scrunch her nose up. She looked down on her lap instead of looking back at her friend in the lighthouse, cause she knows better than that.

She knows she cant handle it without him, so looking back will only make things harder.

Her hands were neatly settled on her lap, looking at it as her dad and his friends talked about something that she'd rather not know about. Anxious and contradictatory thoughts running around her mind like a train on a circle track, and she bit her lip to stop it from quivering.

"Change of plans, we're going to south korea instead of australia. Its better that way."

'Wont you ask for my opinion, daddy?' She asked in her mind.

Lisa finally looked up after a while, looking out the window. When the car came into a stop, her eyes landed on a family standing outside.

Family.

They looked so happy.

What Lisa wouldnt give to have that even just once.

And who wouldve thought that that sight was all that was needed to finally make the girl who never cries, cry.

Its not the fact that his father never cared about her opinion that would make her cry. Its not the fact that nobody would want to talk or be associated with her. Its not the way people's eyes widen in fear when they recognize her.

But the realization that she'll never experience a peaceful and happy life is what would make the tears fall.

Cause at the end of the day, she's human. All she wants is to love and to be loved. To be happy.

But thats too much to ask for, isnt it?

She sighed, and the car started to move again.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and she tensed up, looking at her father.

"Things will be better now."

That was the last day she felt like herself.