Falling for the devil! a zacky vengeance fanfic

Lying to ourselves

"Hey...wake up" Zack whispered to me as I rolled over trying to hide from the bright sunlight shining into my eyes. "Come on Cassie...it's 11am". Shit! I sat up and began to rub my eyes to notice Zack was already getting dressed. I got out of bed and grabbed a towel off the floor wrapping it around me and heading into the bathroom then into my own room closing the door behind me. Had last night really happened? Did I just let him use me? I felt a bit dirty at the thought but at the same time it was at least some kind of comfort having a guy touch me without making me feel forced into anything. I grabbed some clothes and showered quickly. I got dressed in the bathroom fast and then rushed to do my hair in the bedroom. It was a hot day so I put on some denim shorts and a strappy vest. I grabbed a black cardigan for just in case and headed downstairs to see Katy sat at the bar munching away on a fry up with Linds. "There is some in the pan for you and Zack...want me to serve it you up?" I nodded smiling back at Linds as she left the bar to sort our food out. I sat next to Katy watching her smiling away to herself. "So?" I tiredly asked grabbing some water from a crate next to me. "So what?" She giggled. "What's happening with you and Brian?" I smiled back. My head began to hurt. "Well we are going to see each other again this weekend" She blushed. Zack and Linds then entered the room and Linds set our food in front of us Zack grabbing a seat next to me. I tried not to look at him feeling ashamed about the night before. "Yeah I got up this morning to find them both eating each others faces" Linds added. I laughed to myself at the thought of Katy and Brian. They was such an odd couple together. I finished my food fast as Katy and Linds laughed about the antics this morning and suddenly started to feel sick. I must of gone white as a sheet because everyone stopped what they was doing to look at me. I got up from my seat and headed to the bar toilets and began to throw up. I must of been really hung over because this was strange for me. 

I swilled my mouth out with water and leaned against the sink. I heard someone walk into the bathroom and turned thinking it was Linds or Katy but it turned out to be Zack. Disappointed I sighed and began to wash my hands trying to ignore him. "You ok?" I nodded in reply keeping my eyes at the sink. "Hung over I think" I plainly continued. "You thought about what we spoke about last night?" he was blocking my exit when I turned to face him. I gulped realizing he was putting me on the spot at the worst time possible. "Do you remember what we spoke about?" he muttered quietly staring right back into my eyes. I felt my heart race, not because I was alone with him but because I was scared of what my answer would be. I was confused and felt lonely. I knew if I said no he would not hold me anymore but if I said yes he would just use me and there would never be a real attachment. I stayed frozen like a deer in headlights trying to think of something to say. "Cassie do you even remember?" I nodded as I looked down at the floor, he sighed sounding a bit annoyed with me. "I think I know what is going on here" he finally continued after a pause that seemed to last forever. "You are scared of what others will think of you" I scrunched my eyebrows confused as to why he would think I would think that. I didn't care what others thought of me, I cared about my heart getting broken. He sighed again this time with more frustration. "Just please tell me what is going on in your head...Please" he grabbed me by my arms whisper shouting at me. I was forced to look back up at him. His hands being on me made my hole body tingle, I wanted him to hold me but I knew he didn't want the same thing. "you want the gods honest truth?" I whispered. He nodded watching me waiting for a reply his grip still tight on my arms.

I took a deep breath and moved out of his grip before backing off to lean against the wall, his eyes still on me. "I don't know if I can allow myself to be used like that. I feel like if I allow myself to start a relationship like this I could miss out on finding someone who wants to be with me. But then again I feel like I maybe need time so the casual sex would be a bonus to keep me satisfied till I felt ready to move on." I noticed a bit of anger in Zacks face as he tried to hide his rage. Why was he so angry with me? "What?" I questioned puzzled. Zack took a step towards me but quickly backed off again. He seemed to be arguing with himself about something but what? "Cassie if you and I have this arrangement you won't need another guy. You won't miss having a boyfriend because you will have your freedom and you will have your fuck when ever you need it. Why would you want a full on relationship when you can have it easy with me? I would never ask you to drop anything for me and you will always have your freedom. What more could you want?!" He was now seeming to get more agitated as was I. "Someone who cares about me!" I yelled back cutting him off. He stopped and his face softened as he watched a tear form in my eye. "Someone I can go to if I have had a bad day or if I have had a good day and want to make them smile too, Someone who will hold me without me having to give an excuse except that I trust them..." I softly continued. "I can give you that" he whispered back. "No you can't" I felt a tear let loose down my cheek, I wiped it away quickly and breathed deeply once to try and calm myself. Zacks eyes were still on me filled with compassion but why? He knew he couldn't give me any of that. He just wanted me for his own selfish reasons.