SUFFERING // Zayn Malik AU

IX. Melted

My heartbeats were devoted, loyal and counted. Zayn untangled his warm arms from my body. The cracking of his spine when he straightened his back fitted perfectly with the dark circles around his eyes and the bloodshot red that were ruthless embracing the edges of his eyes. I was never good with people and certainly not after they burst out in tears and clung around my body for comfort I was not ready to give.

“I don’t act like everything is fine, Zayn” I said after a few heartbeats. The hazel in his eyes softened and brought me back to the reality he created for me. I could be mad at him for stealing my freedom and creating an entire different reality for me , but then again I could be incredible thankful too. Because did I have freedom? I wish the chip in my head had the power to erase my memories instead of having the possibility to rob my dreams. “What is fine anyway?” I whispered when I ascertained he wouldn’t answer. “Should I mourn over everything that happened with me before? Because there is no amount of time nor space to do so, Zayn.” Every time I pronounced his name he would flinch and look away from my face. “What do you expect me to do? You asked me to give you a fucking chance. I gave you one. I must admit that I had a lot of fun with the two of you the past few days.” I smiled to myself thinking about the way they could make me forget my pain for a short amount of time. “But you give me mixed signals, that’s not fair.” He straightened his back again and towered over me, I was not scared of him, not anymore.

“Do you consider me as your hero or your villain?” He asked after minutes of silence and looking down on me with a facial expression I could not even begin to read. The question surprised me, especially because his voice was almost vigorous.

“Neither” I answered. And aparently that was it, he started walking in the other direction and I followed him without a word. Zayn stormed inside an hour later and slammed the door shut even before I could enter. Seconds later the door was opened again and revealed a confusing Harley.

“I’m sorry I don’t know what’s gotten into him” He opened the door wider and let me in. I slowly unwrapped my scarf from my neck, threw my jacket over the chair and kicked out my shoes.

“Don’t worry, I think it’s my fault. Whatever I did wrong, tell him I’m sorry.” I let myself fall on the couch and after I felt a blanket being placed over me, I fell asleep.

“Open your eyes” Zayn’s voice reached my ears gracefully. I murmured some words before opening my eyes and having a staring contest with him.

“Where’s Harley?” I murmured, hugging my pillow closer against my torso. Smiling at him whilst waiting for his answer.

“Out” Was all I got back. I curled my knees against my body and looked at the way he took place next to me.

“Why do I have to wake up?” The smile on his lips was adorable and I could look at it for ages. He was so gorgeous, I couldn’t even believe he really existed.

“I want to show you something.” He stood up again and reached out his hand for me to grab. I took his hand and he leaded me outside to the patio in Harley’s garden. We stood there for minutes before he opened his mouth. “You see that butterfly?” He reached out for the butterfly and it landed elegantly on his fingers, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He threw his finger in the air and it fluttered away. After the blue creature was out of our sight he looked into my eyes again and placed both hand on my cheeks, intertwining his fingers on the back of my neck.  I nodded once, not being able to look away. “You are that butterfly for me, landing on my finger but flying away before I can love it” I closed my eyes and tried to shake my head with his hands still placed on my cheeks. “I don’t want anyone else to love you. I want you, and I want you to want me. But you refuse.” His teeth were clenched upon each other and his hands were hurting my head. His lips slowly find its way to mine, before he or I pulled away I felt a huge sting in the middle of my back. “Forgive me” he mouthed with tears streaming down his cheeks. But I couldn’t answer because I couldn’t breathe. I was gasping for air as I saw the way he let a silver knife falling on the ground beside my feet. He held me close against him and I wanted to push him away but I was already dead.

Sweat was clinging on the sides of my forehead, just like my clothes were clinging on my flesh. I kept breathing heavily and irregularly.

“Are you okay?” Zayn rushed into the living room. His eyes were dark, almost black.

“Aren’t you supposed to hate me?” I answer emotionlessly. He sat down beside me and looked at me for a few minutes before answering.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just panicked and fuck, I just fucked up. I’m sorry”

“Just tell me already what you want from me?” I almost begged him.

“I want you to trust me” Do I? I mean if I have to trust someone right now it’s either him or Harley, so he’s got what he want.

“I do, trust you” He was hesitating, I could see it in his eyes. “What do you really want from me, Zayn?”

“I want you to forget every negative memory you have of me”

“I can’t do that” I said immediately.

“I know that.” He sighs and leans his head against the couch. “Can I stay here? I will stay on this side.” He pointed at the place he was sitting.

“Can I sleep in your bed then?”

“Uh, yea sure.” I know for sure he asked me to stay here to stay with me, not to sleep on the couch. But I’ve never been to ‘his’ room, so I was kind of curious. I stood up and left my blanket for Zayn. I opened his door and a soft crack made place for a black room. I put on the lights and his duvet was just dark grey with white pillows. There were not many personal things in the room, but the aroma of his perfume was obvious. I laid down on the soft mattress and buried my face in one of his pillows.

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