SUFFERING // Zayn Malik AU

XIV. Termination

Falling back into the same hole is terrible. Falling back in the same cell you’ve been tortured for over 2 months is not even amenable. Suffering from panic attacks whenever you look around and loads of horrible traumatic moments being poured out over your head is something nobody should ever be confronted with. My heart is racing and for the twelve hours we’ve been in this cell I fainted twelve times. Zayn’s hand is in mine but still have I never felt more alone. Sweat is almost dripping from his forehead and if she doesn’t give him any water soon he’ll not be there to witness my further torture. The hole in his foot is looking horrible and there are black and white spots on his swollen ankles. 

 

“I want to tell you everything before I can’t anymore.” His voice was raw and the words were barely audible, but it still made me mad.

“You’re going to stay with me, you promised!” He squeezed my hand again and tried to smile.

“Of course, love.” He closed his eyes and didn’t open them again for several minutes. “Do you know why Alexis hates you so much?” I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat. “You remember when” he took time to breathe “I told you jealousy is the most dangerous emotion in a human life? that it can do things you wouldn’t do if you weren’t envious?” I nodded and he closed his eyes again. “She envied you in the most dangerous way. You had everything she desired and she became mad after she found out Aaron loved you, because you might know or might not know, but Aaron and Jade dated for a while, apparently when you had that job in the city during the summer holidays.” How can someone become mad by envying someone? “Did you know her parents blamed her for everything and kept comparing her with you, told her you were the perfect, kept asking her why she couldn’t be more like you?” I swallowed again and nodded my head. I was not perfect, I was far, far, far away from perfect. It’s not fair if this all is true, I can see that. But I don’t understand how she could do things like this to me. Okay, I understand that she hates me for these reasons, but can one be so cruel? 

“I never noticed.” I whispered.

“Because you didn’t know”

“But, how couldn’t I notice she hated me so much? For all these years we’d been friends. Not once did I doubt her trust or love”

“Because you see the best in people, look at us. I have caused you this” he carefully lifted my sweater and revealed the long, narrow scar. I remembered the twinkles in his eyes when he almost gracefully let the knife dance on my skin. How his lips were pressed into a thin line, like he was curious, as if he didn’t know what would happen. Almost paralysed. How his eyes locked with mine and I could feel his love, yet did he continue. There is so much I don’t understand. I thought he loved me? How did Jade manage to convince both Zayn and Aaron and God knows who else to torture me or even let her do things to me that people can’t define as something human. “And you still let me love you” He let his lips follow the line and left weak, butterfly kisses along the way.

“But” there was so much I wanted to ask, but it was as if my head was overused. There was not one thought I could formulate or transform in a question. I let my eyes fall and my chest filled with poison, there was a heavy weight pressing against my chest and it almost killed me. Difficulties to breathe were the least of my problems now I heard her footsteps. 

“Zayn” her voice sounded exhausted. And hearing her, seeing her and looking at her, realising that I caused this troublesome person, just because I am me and she couldn’t let go of her comparing herself with me, caused me to break. I broke and everything was a blur when tears started streaming down my cheeks, I didn’t sob, I just looked at the person I loved so much despite her deep anger towards me. That’s when I realised love couldn’t be more pure than the love I felt towards this girl. I loved her so much and I still do, I pity her more than I’d ever pitied anyone else.