My I「Junhao」

0.1

Edited; 12/10

They had been enjoying a date when 'it' happened...

They were both devastated but of course, they didn't let the other know that and kept those feelings of despair to themselves.

But we should probably back up and see what happened, what 'it' is, before any assumptions are made.

~•~ (ugh I wish there was a linebreak feature ㅠㅠ ) ~•~

I inhaled the scent of the food, took in the atmosphere of the place we were in and momentarily thought that I was back in my hometown, Shenzhen. The noise may be a bit louder, it may be a bit colder and the air pollution may be a bit higher here in Seoul, but sitting here in a small Chinese restaurant — owned by a kind, old woman from my lover's hometown Anshan — with the love of my life, I still felt like I was at home.

"Are you right there? Are you going to actually eat, Gēge, or are you just going to continue smelling your food?" Said love of my life and my best friend Xu Minghao asked, clearly amused. I smiled brightly at him and quickly booped his nose before starting to actually eat.

We first met when I was five and Minghao was almost four. Minghao's mother had suffered in an abusive relationship with Minghao's father and finally filed a divorce, got a restraining order against the man and took full legal custody of Minghao. She left the father in the house that once belonged to all of them, moved to a province far away and found residence for herself and Minghao in the house next to mine.

I was a curious child and when I saw a truck at the house that I knew had nobody to play with, I knew that something had happened, someone was moving in. So, using my stubby child legs, I went out the front of my house behind my mum and saw a little boy with his mother. I had squealed in excitement when I saw the boy but he hid behind his mothers legs, scared. I didn't find out until years later that it was because he was scared of loud noises, because his father yelled at him and blamed him for being the reason that he lost his job.

Of course, my mother was the ever courteous neighbour and introduced herself to his mother. While they were talking, I approached him, a bit quieter than before and introduced myself and asked him for his name. He looked up at his mother, who nodded to say that it was okay to say his name to me, and introduced himself. "I'm Xu Minghao." The biggest smile that my mother had ever seen apparently broke out on my face at this.

It only took a few days for Minghao to open up to me and within a week we were best friends. We were enrolled in the same classes throughout primary school. At six and five years old, we were enrolled in both dance and Wushu classes by our parents, giving us the choice as to whether we wanted to go down the path of martial arts or performing arts. We chose performing arts but still participated in the martial arts. When I was seven I was scouted on the streets to be a child actor. I had to drop dance classes for my acting schedule and Minghao was my still biggest supporter, even though I could see how upset he was that I stopped dance.

When I was nine, I had acted in two dramas, when Minghao was eight, he became national champion for Wushu. When I was 10 I had to take a break off of everything because I had gotten injured while acting and when Minghao was nine, he was able to do flips. During that break, I found the industry of Korean pop and I showed Minghao. We became obsessed with the very concept of being Korean pop stars.

When we were 11 and 10, we confessed this dream to my parents and his mother. We asked to move to Korea and so we could audition for a company when we were old enough. They said they'd think about it. When a year had passed and we were 12 and 11, we thought they had forgotten. They didn't.

When we were 13 and 12, I had just finished acting in what ended up being my last drama and we packed up and moved to Seoul. We spent the second half of that year being homeschooled together while we were being taught the language. When we were 14 and 13, we were finally separated, in a country that was still foreign at that point. We made our own groups of friends at these different schools but we were still as thick as thieves. He knew my friendship group almost as well as I knew them, just as I knew the same sorts of things about his own friendship group.

Neither of us minded that we were separated at school and had made new friends, because most nights, I would still sneak into Minghao's room through the window he left open specifically for me to get through and lay with him to help him get to sleep because more often than not, Minghao would go to sleep without a living source of warmth next to him and wake up screaming after having a nightmare about his father.

We started dating 10 years after we met, when we were 15 and 14 years old respectively. Any people who didn't really know us would say that we were too young to be in a relationship but everyone we knew supported us. We were still together even now, two years later. Most relationships between younger teenagers hardly lasted very long but we were going strong.

Part of the way through our meal, Minghao abruptly left to go to the bathroom and when I asked if he was okay after he returned, he smiled at me and reassured me that he was fine. At that time, I didn't notice that the smile was pained, nor did I notice that his eyes were puffy and red and that his breath was shaky.

After we had finished eating, Minghao took my hand and led me through a nearby park and to the playground, where we sat on the swing sets. It was peaceful for a few moments, then he shattered the peace with a statement.

"I don't think we should date anymore. We're probably better suited as just best friends." I froze and side-eyed Minghao, not feeing strong enough to turn my head and see him, not with these tears in my eyes. After I had wiped away the tears quickly I looked over at him. He also looked like he was mildly distressed. His smile was gone. He didn't even look like himself in that moment.

"Why so suddenly? We have been happy since we got together. What changed so suddenly for you to say that?" I asked, eyes wide. I was starting to panic. I thought back to everything that had happened in the past week, month, year even and wondered, what did I do wrong? Why did he decide we should break up?

"You did nothing wrong, don't blame yourself. I just... I thought, maybe we are better off as friends? I don't know, I'm just questioning myself and I don't want to get you involved in my problems because we're dating." I laughed but there was no emotion in my laughter, no more happiness. "Dating me doesn't mean anything. I'd still get involved with whatever it is because you're my damn best friend."

"I... I'm sorry. It's too late now. I understand if you never want to talk to me again. I'll leave. I'm sorry." He stood up and bowed before leaving. The swing, now empty, creaked ominously as it moved slowly, forward and back.

Once he was out of sight, a dam broke inside me and tears started flowing down my face. I was sobbing and I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was having a panic attack and I didn't know what to do. I felt so numb but at the same time I was full of emotions. I ended up crying until no more tears came out. That's when I finally left and went home, sending a message to a few people as I did so.

Me
Please come over
I need someone to be with me right now

Compared to like 500 words in the original first chapter, 1400 words is such an improvement. I love this so much more than the original because there's decent backstory and there's actual content.