Nicky went to work for a little bit, I was taking care of Nate. I heard the doorbell ring so I put Nate down and went downstairs, all I was wearing was a bra and short shorts. I opened the door and it was Balto, "What do you want!?!" I yelled. He pushed me back against the couch and I struggled to get out of his grasp. He was to strong I couldn't do anything. Nicky wouldn't be home for another 2 hours, I cried and screamed but no one came. He assaulted me. He broke my confidence, once he left I went straight to Nate pulled him close and balled my eyes out. Nicky got home, I didn't want to face him but I had to. I went downstairs with scratches and bruises all over my body, he asked me what happened an I told him I was playing with the puppy. He looked like he didn't believe me and he shrugged and went and took his shoes off. I turned around and held in my tears. My confidence, my pride, gone all my insecurities so much more noticeable. I couldn't look at myself the same, I cried myself to sleep but Nicky was already asleep. I had to feed Nate with a bottle for the first time even though it's still my breast milk, I just couldn't do it. I remembered that this is how my mom got pregnant with me and TJ. Travis assaulted her I will never be able to look at him as my father again. I couldn't imagine how my mom felt, how does she just walk around every day knowing her kids were made without her consent. If I ever wanted to see myself the same ever again I would have to get help from a therapist. The guy I love more then anything can't even tell that I'm upset and hurt.
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