Never Okay|Sequel to Cigars and Cigarettes

Chapter 16

MERCEDES POV

     Our first time was, how do I describe it. Good, but almost like it came with  guilt. There has always been certain things that have made me feel awful and guilty, but sex is not one of them. Sex with Reggie felt safe and good. Like I said GOOD. I wouldn't call it the best sex I've ever had because I would be lying. It didn't feel right or wrong. it felt casual. That's the word I'm gonna use, casual. If one of us did something weird or quirky, it wasn't embarrassing, it was humerus. The first time we had sex together we actually started laughing in the middle of it. The noise he made with his mouth while sucking my neck made me instantly giggle and cringe.

 "What girl, you don't like that" he said starting to chuckle while he was on top of me.

giggling "I'm sorry just give me a minute,..... it sounds like you're making fart noises on my neck."

  After that we both laughed, I mean a good stomach laugh, one that you would remember for days or even ages. Being with Reggie gave me a good feeling. Knowing that he worshipped me, respected me, got me, and i guess you could say loved me made me happy. I would be lying to you though if I said that everything was perfect. Reggie and I are missing lust. The hot and heavy feeling. The rough kind of sex with the heavy breathing Just thinking about it makes me miss Sam. Now with Sam, we had that kind of sex. We had breakup sex, angry sex, sexy sex, rough sex, spontaneous sex; and with Reggie it's just sex, theres really no other adjectives to describe it. With Reggie it's just sex, could I use the word intercourse?

     Anyway the reason why I bring up our sex life is because I've been missing Sam, and usually I've been filling this void by staring at him in the hallways or catching quick glances or him in the courtyard. But recently I haven't seen him. Yesterday in the library I saw him and I swear to you for a whole minute I knew what I was gonna say to him, but I didn't do anything. In the library I realized how little of him I had been seeing and it made me sad. Like real sad. So I texted him

"your place 7pm"

"ok"

I wasn't even nervous, I knew Sam Evans, I knew Sam better than anyone else. Was this cheating on Reggie, no. Was this probably gonna hurt Reggie, yes. I didn't care. I needed the drama of Sam and I, I needed the love and passion between us. Sam liked when I challenged him, but hated when I dominated him, so I planned on doing both to show him that he wasn't the one to decide if this was a relationship, I was. I didn't even knock, hell I didn't even wait. I walked right into that dorm room. Sam was sitting there on his phone and when I walked in and stood there, he slowly stood up and walked toward me. We both said nothing, we just looked into each others eyes as if we were both searching for something. In that moment he reached behind me and shut the door. He seemed angry with me, he seemed frustrated and sad. Before I could over think it some more he slid his hand across my cheek, his pointer finger cradling my ear. I thought our kiss was going to be soft and inviting, but instead it hurt. 

  We both could feel the sadness by the way both of our bottom lips curled as our foreheads meet. With our foreheads still touching we both looked down. This was of course followed by sniffles and tears. Our hands were now both touching each other's faces, gently not forcefully. This was depressing, like someone had ripped all my insides apart.

SAM POV

    I knew sex was the only reason she had texted me. Even if we didn't have an emotional relationship, we had to have a physical. After our "first kiss' (that night) we both quickly withdrew our emotions, Or at least I did. I moved my hand from her cheek down to her waist in one swift motion and embraced her with a kiss while my other hand lined her back, pushing her towards me. She lifted off my shirt, looked at me, and continued to kiss me.

"We shouldn't do this" I mumbled to her in-between breaths

"What, why?" she said after pulling away from me

"Reggie, that's why."

Creeping towards me and placing her hands on my torso she whispered

"He doesn't have to know" 

She was inches away from me, she looked up at me almost looking at me with puppy dog eyes

"Sam I need to be with you in some way"

"Me too, but I can't stop hating you"

     I could see the hurt in her eyes after I spoke. To be honest she had more reasons to hate me more than I had to hate her. Before she could speak I kissed her again and began leading her to my bed. Now she felt less passionate. It almost felt as if I was kissing a brick wall. As we played there kissing, I noticed that she had slowly started to warm up to me again. I could tell that what I said really hurt her. The idea of me hating her. I hated what she did not her.