Wildflowers Don't Exist [Completed]

Asiatic Dayflower

Adonis Pov

I decided Thursday night to pack beach clothes for me and Zeus to head to the beach. I wanted us to match a little. I'll admit that I'm very uncomfortable in my swimsuit, which is a one piece. I am fully covered, but I hate this feeling of my belly being visible. I know that people will stare. Maybe I'm just too in my own head.

I shake myself of the thought and put Zeus to bed. Before I go to bed, I grab my belly in the mirror and ran to the bathroom, throwing up at the sight.

-

"Hey, you guys! I haven't seen you in forever!" Ree yelled.

"My ear drums," Shasta says.

Ree sticks her tongue out at him.

Drea laughs as Thena shakes her head. Naomi smiles at me.

"Who's this little guy?" Drea pointed at Zeus hiding behind my leg in his Spider-Man swim trunks and tank top.

I look down at Zeus looking up at me, tightening his grip on my leg. "This is Zeus. He's Ares' son."

I pick him up and place him on my hip. "This is Miss Drea, Miss Thena, Miss Ree, Shasta, and you know Auntie Nae."

He put his head in my chest, being very shy.

"He's so cute, Donis," Ree says, smacking her gum and leaning forward.

"Just like his daddy," Shasta says with a smirk. Ree nudges him.

Zeus takes a peek at Drea. She smiles warmly.

"Hi there," she says.

Zeus hides again. He peeks with a wave.

"You wanna help me build a sand castle?" Drea reaches for him. He nods and goes with her.

"I'm going to get some drinks. Shasta, you coming?" Ree turns to him.

"Duhhh," he laughs.

They leave and I look at Naomi.

"Come on, let's get ready to swim."

I follow her into a changing room. There's only one stall open. Shit, just my luck.

"I can wait," I told Naomi.

"Don't be silly, you can share with me. We got the same parts."

Not really.

I go in the stall and she starts to undress, pulling up her curls. I sigh and pull up my sew in into a high bun. I undress slowly.

"Can you help tie this?" Naomi says and turns around.

I grab both ends of the bikini and begin to tie them.

"You're so fucking fat." - someone from 7th grade

"Nobody's gonna love you with that attitude." - 9th grade

I shake my head, continuing to tie.

"Fat ass bitch."
"Rasputia...Precious..."
"You can't even afford this , broke ass bitch. "
"No, we can't get that right now, baby...maybe in a while, money is tight right now."
"What the hell is this? Your shit don't even got a name on it. Why you wearing the same clothes? You don't even have an iPhone,  fucking lame."
"Oh, you a virgin? I can fix that ..."
"Forget you, bitch you fat anyways..."
"I hate you..."

I looked at Naomi's slender body versus my plumper one. Naomi was the girl every guy wanted throughout high school. She stood up for me, but I could never be her...even her own mother chose her over Ares.

I thought about how much thinner my friends were, even if they weren't that skinny. I was always the biggest one, the elephant in the room. I was always either hated for my body or sexualized for it. Since you're on the plus side of things , niggas think you're a quick fuck. I guess they forget to factor in morals.

Everyone always tells you to love yourself but no one tells you how to love yourself when nobody does. I know Ares cares a lot for me, but how do I know that for sure? He deserves more than me. I've always been the big girl, been cat called since I was 12 by older men so it didn't surprise me when I almost got molested at that college party ... If I would've finished the job when I was younger ....

Before I know it, I'm crying and pulling the strings too tight on Naomi's neck.

"Ow!" She screams. "Adonis? Adonis, what's wrong?" She kneels down as I slide down the wall.

"I hate this! I hate everything about being this way!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I hate being fat."

"You're not fat, Adonis."

"I am, and I've never been good enough."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a product of struggle and depression. I've been bottling it up for years now. I'm tired of being the strong one. I'm tired of being the strong, carefree, funny big girl! Who's gonna be strong for me, Naomi?"

"You've got me...you're not that big. You're beautiful! "

"Cut the shit and put it on a Hallmark card! You think you understand but you don't! You're perfect, going to an Ivy League, rich parents, skinny, lightskin , beautiful, the girl everyone wants. How can you possibly relate to someone like me?"

She stared at me.

"You don't know what it's like to be my size!" I yelled at Naomi.

"Me? I wish I could be your size!"

"No one wants to be me, no one dreams of being plus sized!"

"You dont think it's hard being skinny? I WISH I could gain weight!"

I sucked my teeth. Fetishing my weight is not real. Being overweight is dehumanizing. I disgust people.  No one wishes to be big. Dreams aren't for real. Thin is in, always have been. Always will be.

"Skinny people get body shamed too!"

"After years of people threatening their health to appear skinny? I'm a side show, Naomi!"

She rolled her eyes and droned on. My head started spinning.

I thought about the days I've spent going hard in the paint for my academics, working like a dog for scholarships so my mom wouldn't have to come out her pocket for anything. She struggled to support me on one income and supporting herself. She put in a lot of work, she did everything she could for me. I remember the arguments and pain I've either partaken or seen. I remember the hate and stares I got when I wore what someone slimmer than me could. I remember being truly happy before someone else's insecurities became my own.

Sticks and stones can break my bones, and those words will forever own me. I don't think people understand how much bullying affects someone.

"You're talking about how you're so ugly and fat , that's like saying ... saying ... saying that wildflowers don't exist!" She said to me.

"No one wants a bouquet of sunflowers over roses. Sunflowers are ugly ... no one wants wildflowers. That's like picking cubic zirconium over diamonds."

My world fades and I hear them talking.

"Adonis? Adonis!"

"Stay with me, okay?" Someone says.

"She's got a pulse."

"Adonis!" Naomi screams.

"Is my mommy okay? I don't want to lose another one. I'm all out of mommies..." Zeus says, but I can't hear the rest.