A Different Kind of Love

Chapter 12: Curiosity and Exploration

Once Zach left I sat on my phone and scrolled through different apps until Peanut came home. I heard the front door slowly open and close and quiet, padding footsteps downstairs made their way into the living room and up the stairs. Then there was a knock on my door.

"Come in." I say not looking up from my phone.

"Hey, how was your day?" Peanut asked, hair a mess and clothes completely disheveled.

"Apparently not as good as yours was, but in my opinion very good." I answer watching her face get red.

"Okay you do not need to make fun of me for having a good time with my girlfriend, what did you and your boyfriend do?" She says embarrassed.

"I took him to the stream and we talked, that's really it." I say nonchalantly.

"That's fun, anything else?" She asks further.

"Well, I told him I love him." I say thinking that's important to say.

"You did! What did he say?" Peanut exclaims.

"He said he loves me too." I answer blushing.

"Good, that's good," She says getting up and giving me a hug, then walking out of my room, "You might wanna wash your shirt."

"What, why?" I ask confused.

"When I hugged you I forgot I didn't wash my hands before I left Maria's house." Peanut says while laughing a little.

"EWWW WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" I shout throwing my shirt off and quickly searching for a new one to wear. After my dilemma is fixed I go back to scrolling through different apps. I kept thinking of everything Zach and I did and talked about. It got me kinda curious about BDSM. I'd heard about it and I definitely read posts and articles online about how Fifty Shades of Grey was fake BDSM, but I didn't know really what it was in depth. I walked over to the trash bin in my room and pulled out the crumpled paper with the porn site on it.

"If this site shows actual LGBT couples I bet it shows actual BDSM too." I think typing in the site again in an incognito window. The site loads and I'm met with the same disclaimer I saw the first time. I scroll through the first page looking for a categories section of any sort. I find it at the bottom of the page and click on it. I look through the alphabetical order of categories when I find BDSM. I click on it and am brought to a sub category section of the BDSM stating different types. I look through them until I find one that catches my attention. It says petplay. After a few seconds of contemplation I click on it. I see video thumbnails and titles that are, kinda cute. I click on one titled "Kitten's First Training with Master." It seems harmless enough. It starts out with a naked girl curled up on a pet bed and she's wearing a set of kitten ears and, what I'm guessing is a tail plug. A guy walks into the room and bends down, petting her hair and under her chin while waking her up. She walks on all fours and the guys tells her things to do and asks what their safeword is. The girl responds with red and the guy asks what their nonverbal safeword is. The girl holds up three fingers and then the guy puts a ballgag in her mouth. I watch the video, really interested in what's going on. The guy is really rough with the girl but also rewards her every time he does something to her. I think about if Zach and I were to do something like this together and I start to get turned on again. I look at the time on my laptop. It reads 4:36. My mom will be home at five-fifteen from work. I look back at the video and watch the guy coo over the girl, calling her a good kitten and kissing her forehead after slapping her face lightly. I lie back on my bed and position my laptop so I can still see the screen while lying down. I sit back up and take my shirt and bra off, then slip off my jeans and underwear. I lie back down hard on my bed and take a deep breath, remembering what Ali told me about masturbating. I kept watching the video and watching what the guy was doing to the girl. He licked his fingers before rubbing her clit. I licked my fingers and took another deep breath. I started to rub my own clit, at first it didn't feel like much. Then it started to feel good, really good. I let out a small moan and closed my eyes, using my free hand to lightly touch my chest and stomach. I started to think of Zach and how he touched me last night and moaned again, a little louder this time. After rubbing for a couple minutes I felt like I needed something in me. I took my free hand and slowly put my index and middle fingers in me. I didn't really know what to do with them past that. I decided to curl them slightly after a few awkward seconds and it felt good to do that so I kept doing it. I kept thinking of Zach being here and touching me and kissing me and I wanted him here, actually touching me and fucking me. I wanted it so badly. I kept fucking myself and I could feel myself getting close to cumming. The closer I got the more I had to keep myself from moaning loudly so no one could hear me. I arched my back when I started to cum, I threw my head back into my pillow to keep myself from being loud while I moaned. I can't explain how much I liked the feeling of cumming. It was so amazing. After I stopped I laid back into my bed more, breathing heavily. The video had stopped playing on my laptop awhile ago and I hadn't even noticed. I inspected the hand that had been in me and noticed blood on my fingers, not a lot, but it still made me panicked. I sat up in my bed and felt lightheaded, so I just grabbed my shirt that I'd left on my bed and called for Peanut.

"Bella!" I shouted not using her nickname so she knew it was an emergency. I heard her rush to the door connecting our rooms and she threw it open.

"What's wrong?" She looked worried.

"I'm bleeding." I responded not knowing how to explain where and why.

"Is it bad? Let me see." She said walking over to my bed.

"Uh, I can't show you where..." I answered trailing off.

"Why not? What if you need stitches?" Peanut looked extremely worried for me.

"It's uh, private?" I say trying to insinuate my crotch is bleeding.

"How can it be private if you're- wait, let me see your hands." She says, the information finally clicking. I show her my hands, my right index and middle fingers having blood on them. She looked at me slightly relieved.

"Am I gonna die?" I ask very panicked that I'm still probably bleeding even though I can't feel it.

"No," Peanut answers definitively, "You just went too rough with yourself, the length of your nails probably didn't help either. You're gonna feel sore down there for a bit since you bled, but you're gonna be fine. Can you stand?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm not wearing anything but this shirt." I answer completely calm that I don't have to go to the hospital.

"Where's your pants and stuff?" Peanut asks moving off my bed to grab them.

"On the floor I think? I don't remember." Peanut looks around and after not being able to find them just grabs me a new pair of underwear and a pair of sweatpants from my drawers. She walks back to my bed and put the clothes down.

"I don't expect you to be able to stand and because I love you so much I'm gonna help you get dressed so you can clean yourself up before mom gets home." Peanut says taking the blanket off me. I get embarrassed of her seeing me half naked and a complete mess, but at least she's helping me and that's more than I can say for other people with their siblings.

"Thank you." I respond tiredly, still a little lightheaded.

"No problem, just be gentle next time and always make sure your nails are cut. Even now I can still accidentally make myself or Maria bleed and it sucks so much." Peanut responds slipping my sweatpants over my legs and letting me pull them on myself past my hips and butt.

"Yeah, is there blood on my sheets at all?" I ask knowing my mom will have to clean them and she'll ask what happened. Peanut lifts up my legs and checks under me.

"No you're good," She responds, "But when did you decide you needed to shave your crotch?"

"I just didn't like the way it felt against my underwear I guess." I stammer more embarrassed than I already was.

"So that's why I run out of razors so fast, huh?" Peanut smiles jokingly.

"Hey! If I weren't so anxious I'd ask mom myself, I just didn't think you'd notice." I say back laughing.

"Fair enough, wash your hands before mom gets home, Little Kitty." Peanut gives me a hug and goes back into her room, leaving the door slightly cracked so she can hear me better if I need anything. I lie back down for a couple more minutes to make sure I can get up and walk without passing out. When I'm sure I can I walk to my bathroom and clean myself up, making sure there's no blood anywhere on my hands or crotch. I walk back to my bed and wake up my laptop, exiting out of the incognito window and shutting my laptop itself. I go on my phone and open my messages app. I look at Zach's name and tap on it and send him one text.

I'm okay with having sex if you are.