A Different Kind of Love

Chapter 13: Unfulfilled Expectations

Zach starts to type almost instantly and I feel a hitch in my breath. 

Are you sure?

I ponder the question for a good minute. I know it doesn't really matter whether I'm a virgin or not because it's just societal pressure to have sex. I have to think for myself if I'm really okay with doing this with my partner. 

Yes, I trust you enough to do this with you, and I think we've been dating long enough for it to be okay

Again Zach starts typing almost instantly.

Okay, I'm glad I make you feel safe :)

I don't know what to say after that so I just tell him I'll talk to him later. I go to my groupchat with Ali and Kate to tell them what's up first to get a second opinion. 

Me: So hey I uh, did a thing

K: Which is?

A: Yeah?

Me: I may or may not have told Zach I was okay with having sex with him...

K: OMG WHAT

A: Calm down love, and Liz why is this an issue? Did you say it and not mean it?

Me: It's not an issue I was just looking for a second opinion on the situation

A: Well if you want to and you trust him then I say go for it, don't just think that you should be doing it because you're in a relationship and that's what you do. Kate and I haven't had sex and we don't need to because neither of us want to (yet)

K: You're fifteen what if you get caught??

Me: I didn't think of if we got caught what would happen but he's only a year older than me so? I don't think that matters?  And I'm not doing it because I feel like I have to but you're right about what you said regardless

A: Then it's no big deal why'd you ask

K: Yeah 

Me: The thing is, he's kinda into some stuff

A: Meaning...?

K: Like what?

Me: He's into BDSM 

K: :0 omg

A: Okay now this situation is a different story

Me: Yeah?

A: What if he hurts you, like he's really nice and quiet but what if this is the thing that makes him like,, abusive or w/ever

Me: I don't think that's what this is

K: What if that's the only sex he'll want to have and you're not into it? Will he get upset?

Me: I also don't think that's a thing that would happen

A: So the point in telling us is what?

Me: I'm just nervous I guess like what if I say something wrong or I do something wrong and I make him not wanna see me or something

K: I don't think you will as long as you talk about it first!

A: Yeah you need to talk about what's okay with him and stuff with his downstairs region and everything to make sure he's comfortable seeing as how he's just gonna make sure you're okay and that's it

Me: You're right, thanks guys

K: No problem!! Let us know if you're okay after and everything!!

A: Yes please do that 

Me: I will don't worry

As I finished my conversation with Ali and Kate I could hear the front door open and my mom walk inside. It occurs to me that my mom doesn't know anything about Zach, and she doesn't know anything about me or Peanut either. I walk over to our connecting door and push it open slightly.

"Oh, feeling better?" 

"Yeah, how come you never told Mom about you and Maria?'

Peanut takes a long look up at me from her laptop and then shuts it.

"Sit down." I do so without questioning it.

"A long time ago, when I started to question myself I was going to talk to Mom about it and basically come out to her, and Meme and Pepe were over and I thought I could make a whole big statement to everyone who mattered, but..."

Tears started to well in her eyes.

"Meme and Pepe were watching the news and something came on with gay rights and they just, started talking endlessly about how it was disgusting and not normal, Mom didn't say anything but it just made me think she'd always be idle when it came to them talking bad about me and I know she loves us but what if she didn't agree and she just kicked me out."

At this point Peanut was crying and almost sobbing, luckily our doors to the hallway were closed so Mom wouldn't hear her. I sat for a minute holding her while thinking.

"What if you told Dad?" I ask sincerely.

"Are you serious? How would I even go about that? 'Hi Dad I know you're famous and never see me or my sister but I'm bisexual and I wanted your input on how to tell my mom who you also never see.'" Peanut answers wiping tears from her face.

"I mean it, you know he supports LGBT rights so I think you could ask him how to go about it with Mom, he did date her after all." 

Peanut sits up, looking like she's thinking. She grabs her phone and takes a long look at the black screen, then unlocks it. 

"It's about four hours behind in California so he'll be at lunch right now won't he, and if he sees it's me he's gonna pick up." She dials the number and puts the phone on speaker.

In two rings the receiver picks up and there's a voice on the other end.

"Hello?"