Murder

Chapter 12- I Told You So

"So, are you gonna try to go to school again tomorrow?" Rob mocked. "Ha-ha very funny." my voice was so sarcastic. It's Wednesday, I figured he would've forgotten by now. "You know you have to go back at some point." "Nope." that confused him. "Nope? What do you mean 'nope'? You have to go back." he argued. "No, I don't. I'm gonna be a dropout. I don't care anymore anyway." I walked out of the house. Rob and Darrel followed and stood in the doorway of the front door. "Shouldn't we talk about this?" Rob yelled. "You can't just drop out!" Darrel yelled. "I can and I plan to." I walked towards the Florence Middle School. I think it starts soon, so my friends should start to show up. Once I get there there's only a few people outside and I don't know any of them. I'll just go to the park and, sit in a tree or something.

I get to the park, but there's people there. If I can't be with friends, I don't want to be with anybody, or near anybody. I need to go somewhere else. I'll just go back to Rob's house. I think that's sort of become my home, but I don't like to call it home, because I don't want them to think I'll never leave them alone. I get the feeling they don't want me around much longer. They're gonna get sick of me, everybody does eventually. I get to Rob's house. "Well, look who's back." Rob says. Keith is there again. They must be best friends or something because Keith is here a lot, almost as much as me. "Yeah. Nobody can do anything. They're all at school like I wanted to be." I said glumly. "You're not ready for school. I told you that. You proved that the other day." Rob stated. He sounds like he's talking to a five year old. "That's not fair and you know it. You weren't there, Rob. They accused me of killing my own brother. How would you like to listen to three different people tell you that?" I was almost yelling, I could feel hot tears stinging my eyes. I am not going to let them fall onto my cheeks. He is not going to see me cry under any circumstances. His expression went from partially stern, to completely soft and sympathetic. Great. More sympathy I don't want. "Kid, I'm sorry I- I didn't know." he started walking towards me. "Just forget it! It doesn't matter!" I half screamed. I probably sound really childish but I don't care. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep. I've been so tired lately. "Yes it does, it does matter. You know it matters. Don't act like you don't care, I know you do." he says. "You don't know what I'm feeling!" I yell. "Then tell me. Tell me what you're feeling. I want to help you." he says. "I'm tired! I'm confused and I'm tired and I just want all of this shit to end!" I yell. "Watch your mouth. You don't need to be cursing like that. If you're confused just talk to me I can help clear thing up. If you're tired you can just go to sleep." he says. Yeah, it's just that simple. Go to sleep, talk to him, watch my language. Nothing's ever that easy. If he doesn't know that by now he must live under a rock. "I can't just sleep! It doesn't do any good. And alright, I'll ask you. Why did it have to be my brother that got killed? It could've been anybody else in the entire world but it wasn't. It was Russ! That's not fair!" I yell. Those hot tears are in my eyes again, threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. I won't let that happen. I turn away. "Don't walk out again, you have nowhere else to go. Just, just calm down. Okay? Everything's alright." "Nothing's alright! The only person who ever cared about me at all is dead! I have no family that cares about me! None!" I yelled. The tears are quickly flowing down my face. "Hey, it's okay. You have me. I know I'm not blood related but it's close enough." he hugged me and I cried into his chest. "Shhh. It'll be ok. It'll all be okay. Just let it out. I'll take care of everything at school, don't worry. You can go back whenever you're ready. In the meantime, I'm gonna take care of you. It's gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay."

It's not gonna be okay. I know it's not. "Rob, you know it's not going to be ok just as well as I do. Don't lie to me like that. I don't like false hope." I pulled away from him and started walking to what is sort of my room here. That's not what I call it but that's what Rob calls it. I guess he plans on me staying here permanently. I don't know if that's a good idea. I think he'll get sick of me. Everybody does. "Come on now. Things'll end up ok. Tell her Keith." Rob looked to Keith, but he remained silent with his eyes on the floor. "Oh come on. Neither of you believe me?" Rob asked. "I'm not okay and I never will be. Stop telling me I will be when I won't." my voice has a flat tone to it, like I'm just stating a fact, which I am. It's not going to be okay. He was my brother, my only brother, my only family in general. Now he's gone. Rob's become kind of like my brother, but he's not and he knows it. I'm so tired of acting strong and tough and like nothing bothers me. It's exhausting and I can't keep doing it. I think Rob understands that. His voice interrupts my thoughts. "Kid. Come on. It'll be ok. I know it doesn't seem like it. You're gonna need some time. Just trust me. And, tell me, who were these kids at school?" I look down. "What difference does it make?" I mumble. "What difference does it make? It's the difference between who I beat up and who I don't. If you don't tell me I'll just show up at your school and start throwing punches." he said and smiled proudly. "You and what army? There's a lot of kids there Rob and a lot of teachers too. You can't take them all." I said. Rob glanced over at Keith who was pushing his long brown hair out of his dark brown eyes. "Me and Keith will. I think we can handle a few eighth graders." he flexed his muscles. Keith glanced up, and for the first time since I've seen him, he smiled. "Sure. Nobody messes with Russ' kid sister. Over my dead body." I can't believe it. I thought he hated me. I think he's only standing up for me because Russ isn't here to. I'm not sure, but hey, it's a start. "Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal." "It made you freaking run out of school! How is it not a big deal?" Rob asked. "Come on, just let us handle this." Keith chimed in. I don't want their help. I'm not going back, I don't need their help. It doesn't do any good. Why do they even bother? "No. No it's ok. I really don't think that's necessary." I insist. They keep saying how much they want to help. If they wanted to help, they would drop the subject. But no, they keep talking. I tune them out, and let my mind wander. Suddenly I'm thinking about Russ, and the memories we used to share. I think back to one day, last summer, when he took me to the amusement park. That day was so fun. Rob and Keith's voice fade away, and I'm at the amusement park with Russ.