the ripper || irwin

[ 14 ] remorse

Remorse and shame.

Those are the first two feelings which hit a person who has committed something horibly wrong.

Remorse and shame were the two strongest things Ashton was feeling.

He sat at the edge of the bed, facing away from her, with his head in his hands. She laid there with silent sobs escaping her lips.

He wouldn't, couldn't face her.

But he knew he had to, if only to offer a sincere apology.

But what good is a fucking apology when the deed has been done? He thought to himself bitterly.

Slowly turning to face her after sucking in a breath, he saw he was not met with what he expected. He expected anger from her, hatred, he thought she would despise him. To his surprise, her blue eyes expressed sadness and a deep disappointment towards him.

That hit him worse than anything he could ever experience.

He saw her there, blonde strands of hair messily upon the white pillow, tear soaked face, red puffy eyes.

For a minute, he said nothing. And he knew she had nothing to say to him either.

"Alice..." He said in a mere whisper.

The very action of uttering her name sent the tears streaming down her face once more. She had been looking up at the ceiling, avoiding his gaze and wrapping the covers around her bare body protectively, she asked the question he himself didn't have an answer to. 

"Why did you do this?"

Her voice was full of fear and it shook terribly, announcing a possible new wave of uncontrollable sobs that she thought she had calmed.

When he said nothing, she continued, trying to steady her voice.

"I t-trusted y-you. I cared ab-about you." 

It broke his heart, the way she said cared, in the past tense as if she no longer cared for him.

"I don't know what happened." He began to explain quietly. "I was so angry that I was blind. I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did." She pointed out absently.

"Alice, I'm so sorry." He pleaded, hazel eyes trying to find her blue ones.

This time, her voice came out as something merely above a whisper. "All this time I thought the monster was something that took over your soul and didn't let you think. But now I've come to realize that the monster is also a part of you. Of your conscious being."

Her words were like knives. But he knew she was only saying those things because he had hurt her first. 

"Please don't tell me that." He said, his eyes glazing over with burning tears.

Without another word, she sat up, wrapped the covers securely around herself and left his room, leaving her torn up clothes on the padded white floor.

He watched her go, but he did nothing to stop her.

.

.

.

.

With limited time allowed outside his room, it was dinner time before Luke found his sister.

She sat in a silver bathtub in the last of the hospital bathroons, staring absently at the wall while she soaked in water. By now, her fingers and toes were completely pruny, but that was something she wasn't concerned about.

"Alice!" Her brother called, opening the door with a key he had stolen from the reception desk in case he would come to need it.

She was fully undressed in the tub and her brother tried his best to look away, but he was completely mesmerized by her beauty. At the sight of having company, she sunk down in the water to conceal herself.

"I am taking a bath." She told him slowly.

"Have you been here all day?" He asked her, looking somewhere else.

She nodded. "I feel dirty."

"Why?" He asked her. "What happened?"

"Nothing." She replied.

Despite what he had done to her, she still wanted to protect Ashton. She knew that if Luke were to find out, he would definitely kill him.

"Not nothing." Luke insisted. He gasped when he caught a glimpse of something purple on her left arm which was visible to him from where he was standing in the dim room. "Is that a bruise on your arm."

Now concerned for her, he strode towards her, cutting the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around herself, covering as much as she could, but the bruises of Ashton's fingers were still in clear sight.

"Its nothing." She told him.

"Who did this to you?" Luke demanded.

"No one." She replied, emotionless.

A deep rage filled his eyes when he thought of the one person who could have done something to Alice, the one person she was always so concerned for. "It was him wasn't it?"

She shook her head, "No."

"I will fucking kill him." The blue eyed boy growled.

He turned and headed for the exit in anger. 

"Luke, wait." She called for him, but he wouldn't listen. 

She searched for a towel and tried to hurry behind her brother to stop a tragedy that may occur.

.

.

.

.

Ashton's raized his eyes to the door when he heard it unlocking.

He hoped it was the girl who reminded him of an angel. "Alice?" He said, with a hint of hope in his voice. He wanted her forgiveness.

"No, its me. The one who will defend Alice from a guy like you." Luke growled.

Ashton got up from his spot on his bed. His eyes reflected a deep remorse, but in Luke's mind, remorse was not enough. As far as he was concerned, Ashton needed to pay for what he did to Alice.

He lunged himself at the nineteen year old, tackling him to the ground.

He drew his hand, which was balled into a fist, back and swung at Ashton, who closed his eyes and waited for what he thought he deserved.

The curly haired boy wouldn't fight back.

All he wanted was something, anything, that would take away all the remorse and self-hatred he was feeling towards himself because he had hurt the one person besides his brothers who truly cared for him. But what he wanted most was her care and trust again, something he knew he had lost.

-

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