(¯*´¯'*•.¸¸.WHOOSH! *´¯'*•.¸¸.•´¯)
Penny wonders why Sheldon is so fidgety during the drive to the beauty store. He sits beside her, staring intently through the windshield – down at the quiet back road’s asphalt surface, or up at the rooftops now bathed in Saturday afternoon sunshine.
He’d been in deep conversation with Raj when she’d entered the apartment he shared with Leonard. Raj had fallen silent then, of course, reverting to whispering into Sheldon’s ear. Sheldon hated this normally but seemed fascinated about whatever it was Raj was saying. He'd signed her agreement without complaint too, which also wasn’t normal – for Sheldon.
Now he keeps playing with the zippers on a big black shoulder bag placed between his knees. She’d asked what it was for but didn’t understand his usual cryptic answer – and didn’t care. The zipping noises begin to irritate her though.
“Sweetie, do you have to?”
“Penny, I have to ensure these zippers work if I need to get into a compartment in an emergency. If one of them sticks, who knows what might happen.”
“Okay, I’m sure I’m gonna regret this, but what emergency are you expecting?”
“Koothrapali pointed out the pigeons that frequent our windowsill have disappeared.”
“So?”
“Well, in India in the 1950s, before technology made them redundant, pigeons were used as an early warning system to detect oncoming disasters. I’m no lover of birds but the pigeon is a kind of avian super-hero compared to most. They have ultra-sound hearing and ultra-violet vision and the magnetite in their skulls acts like a neural GPS – so they rarely get lost. But they’ll leave a place en mass if they detect an impending catastrophe like a volcanic eruption, tsunami or earthq—“
“I thought they just crapped everywhere.”
“Actually, even their droppings are collected and sold as fertilizer in certain parts of the world. I respect that.”
Penny stares wide-eyed at him. She didn’t know pigeons could do all that.
“Keep your eyes on the road, young lady,” Sheldon chastises, “and watch your speed.”
“How can I do both at the same time? Is this your uncomfortable principle again? I thought we were done with that.”
“For once and for all, it’s Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle! Not uncomplicated or uncomfortable, just uncertain… Oh!”
“What?”
“I see what you did there. Leonard’s been coaching you hasn’t he? You made a joke about not being able to determine the velocity of the car and its position in the road, thereby expounding the Uncertainty Principle. Touché, Penny, very amusing.” Sheldon made one of his laughing noises, like a series of stuttering gasps.
“Yeah, that’s what I did,” says Penny with a sarcastic frown. She thought Heisenberg was that guy in the show about the meth dealer her brother always watched – mainly because that’s what he does for money – but she doesn’t mention it. At least Sheldon has stopped with the zippers.
She notices the Planet Aid container ahead. She needs to get rid of the hoodie she bought months ago with her overstretched credit card. It’s too late to get a refund. She’d liked the design originally but its shade of orange had made her feel sick after a couple of wears. Howard and Raj had offered to buy it from her but that was too creepy.
“Orange is the color of torture, Penny. And nothing rhymes with the damn word,” Sheldon had told her, encouraging her recycling. With her accent, she thought syringe did, but she hadn’t bothered mentioning it. She just feels relief when he doesn’t complain about her leaving him alone in the car, its engine ticking over.
The container is an enormous yellow thing with a metal flap you lift to deposit your old clothes. It’s dark inside but as she dumps her hated hoodie she notices a pair of cute Armani sparkly jeans some rich bitch has donated – could be her size too. Before she can check the label, she hears a sound.
Honk, Honk, Honk!
Penny!
Honk, Honk, Honk!
Penny!
Honk, Honk, Honk!
Penny!
She sighs, throwing the jeans back and returning to the car.
“What is it, Sheldon?”
“That rooftop is always full of pigeons. They are a forty-strong flock. I’ve counted them. Leonard drives me this way to Caltech sometimes to avoid the traffic. They’re gone. That’s a sign of impending doom.”
Penny gives an exasperated sigh. “Well, maybe they flew off to see their birdee friends. Can’t pigeons have a social life?”
“I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all,” Sheldon says returning to his obsessive staring routine. Asphalt, rooftops, asphalt, rooftops…
Penny gets back into the car, determined to get this trip over with. Before they’ve gone a hundred yards, Sheldon yells.
“Stop the car!”
She follows his intent gaze. There is a crack forming in the road ahead.
He opens the passenger door and takes his emergency bag with him.
“What the frak?” Penny gasps, noticing the asphalt fall away, an ugly fissure opening in the road.
“Sheldon?” Suddenly the car shudders. “Whoa!”
Sheldon opens the driver door, his emergency bag over his shoulder. The car jolts violently before listing like a torpedoed ship. Penny shrieks and unclips her seatbelt.
“I’ve always wanted to say this line.”
“Huh?”
Sheldon proffers a hand. “Come with me if you want to live.”
DON'T BE AFRAID TO CLICK THE LITTLE STAR GRAPHIC IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER IF YOU THOUGHT THIS CHAPTER WAS A DOOZY. If you do, you're a SUPER NOVA! Darn tootin'. :)
Quiz question:
What city does Raj come from?
YOU ARE READING
The Uncomplicated/Uncomfortable Principle (Big Bang Fanfic)
FanfictionSheldon discovers a scientific problem he can't solve. Even worse, only Penny can fix it. Drat! He has just put her on his 'mortal enemy' list!
