The Uncomplicated/Uncomfortable Principle (Big Bang Fanfic)

Chapter four

 (¯*´¯'*•.¸¸.WHOOSH! *´¯'*•.¸¸.•´¯)

“It’s been three hours since you took Sheldon to get nail polish, where are you?” Leonard says into his phone, “call me…” He disconnects and slumps onto his bed, sighing. Penny’s cell keeps going to voicemail and he's left three messages already.  Sheldon’s cell is turned off.  Perhaps they went to a movie together and she has it on silent at the bottom of her purse. Or, more likely, she probably thinks he’s being needy again, and doesn’t bother answering. Leonard decides not to leave another message. 

She could be milking her new agreement with Sheldon of course. He would. Penny is probably invoking the clause that states ‘detours’ are allowed whenever she drives him anywhere. Sheldon is probably being dragged around the mall while Penny does some shoe shopping. Leonard knows how tough that can be and chuckles to himself. He peers at his windowsill, frowning when he notices the pigeons that always perch there in the sunlight are gone.  

He goes into the kitchen to make a drink. Howard is talking to Bernadette on Skype, while Raj sits there silent.

Bernie’s voice squeaks out of the screen. “Why didn’t you darn Sheldon’s tights yourself, Howie? Your needlework is the best!”

 Howard gives her a look that says he doesn’t want Bernie to bring up his sewing skills.

Leonard knows Howard had sewn all his own badges in the scouts when he was a kid and often does the hems of his mother’s dresses. Leonard thinks that is cool, but Raj begins chuckling.

“You got something to say?” Howard snaps at his sneering Indian friend. Raj looks down and shakes his head.

 Leonard laughs. Even though Bernie is on a computer screen, Raj still won’t talk in front of her virtual presence.

“Well, there is a big snarl up of traffic in town today, I hear,” Bernie continues, “maybe that delayed her – she isn’t answering her cell – I’ll come over to you on my way back from work. It’s closer than home and I’ll dodge the traffic that way. I’ve got some polish in my bag too if Penny misses the store.”

“Okay, honey. See you soon. Love ya…” Howard says before disconnecting.

Howard and Raj begin sniggering. “Sheldon’s probably hiding in a bunker with his really heavy emergency bag,” Howard chuckles.

“Or he’s pestering the Seismology Department at Caltech. They’ll love that,” Raj says and the pair laugh again.

“What did you do?” says Leonard smiling, wanting to be in on the joke.

“Raj told Sheldon some cockamamie story about pigeons in India, how they were used as an early warning system against disasters,” Howard said in a mocking tone.

 “Well they were, dude,” says an indignant Raj.

“Whatever,” Howard says. “Well, when Sheldon noticed the pigeons had gone, we convinced him there could be possible disaster ahead. He fell for it! He’s taken his emergency bag and everything.” They chuckle again.

“Boy, that’s pretty scary,” Leonard says, walking over to the window and searching the rooftops for the flock that are always there. They are gone.

Howard and Raj share puzzled glances.

“Priya told me about the pigeon thing before… and you say Sheldon took his emergency bag? I’d better get my disaster preparedness kit and check what Sheldon has taken. Turn on the news for quake reports…” Leonard says before dashing out of the room

Howard looks at Raj whose eyebrows rise in shock.  “Dude, this gag is too good. It’s contagious!”

They both follow Leonard into his bedroom where he is donning a safety jacket and hardhat while staring at a clipboard.

Howard speaks through gritted teeth.  “It’s a joke, Leonard. We were pulling Sheldon’s chain. There is no earthquake.”

Leonard looks over his glasses at them, doubtful. “Are you sure?”

“Yesss,” Howard hisses.

“Not the sort of thing to joke about in Pasadena… and what happened to all the pigeons?” Leonard asks, still unconvinced, throwing the clipboard into his own black emergency bag and zipping it up.

“Hawks,” Raj says. “I was checking the local news on my phone while Sheldon was out in the hall with you and Penny and Howard was playing that kids’ game!” Raj scowls while Howard rolls his eyes. “There have been reports of hawks nesting nearby, and the pigeons are jumpy.”

“Well, check your phone again, something feels wrong,” Leonard snaps, leaving the room with the bag over his shoulder.

“Unbelievable,” Howard says shaking his head. “Sheldon has turned him soft in the head with those emergency drills.”

Raj gasps at the images on his cell. “Dude, look!”

Howard is wide-eyed at the news footage unfolding on Raj’s phone and they quickly follow Leonard out of the apartment.

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Quiz question (tough one this time):


What is Chuck Lorre's vanity card #407 about?