Fingertips

I Don't Want a Granola Bar

*THIS CHAPTER FOCUSES ON ANOREXIA. IF YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY PROCESSING SUCH A TOPIC PLEASE THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE READING. THANK YOU.*

I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. 

"Nope. Never have," I answered, embarrassed. He probably thinks I'm some kid who can't land a date.  He probably has a girlfriend. He has everything I could ever wish for in a guy. He's caring, courageous, mannerly, and forgiving.

"Really?" He questioned me, a stunned look on his face. 

"True story. I know, sad right? A seventeen-year-old who has never dated, and now she's going into her last year of high school, and nothing has changed," I said, letting out my feelings.

He turned to face me, a look of pity plastered onto his face. Silence followed my rant.

"What about you?" I said, breaking the unbearable silence.

"Me? Oh. No, I just got out of a relationship actually. She cheated on me with one of the soccer players at our school," he replied, trying to lighten up the story with a small smile.

"What a boob," I blurted out, suddenly enraged that someone could do that to someone like Maverick.

"Did you just call her a boob?" He asked, trying to suppress his laughter.

"Yes. She's a boob for doing that to you!" I exclaimed.

"Wow. What a great insult. I should really start using that instead of the usual," he said, a loud laugh escaping his lips. His laugh was really contagious. It made me smile and I soon started laughing along with him.

"Yes, you should!" I said. The car was filled with laughter. When our fits of laughter died down, he said,

"How could someone not fall in love with someone like you? You're a great person to be around."

I blushed at his compliment. I looked over at him noticed that his cheeks were slightly tinged with red.

"Thanks," I replied, the word coming out as barely a whisper. 

The silence that followed our conversation was soon becoming intolerable. I squirmed in my seat, listening to the humming of the car as it sped through the freeway. I checked the map on his phone and saw that we still had a while to go before we were to arrive at our destination. 

I couldn't stand it anymore. The silence was growing more and more unbearable the longer I waited for him to say something, so I decided to break the silence instead.

"So, what are we going to do today? Can you tell me now?" I asked.

"You're so impatient. I told you, it's a surprise. You'll find out when we get there," he replied.

"Ugh! Why can't you just tell me already!" I yelled in exasperation.

"Because," he replied.

"Because what?" I asked, angered by his answer.

"Just because," he said, smiling at my irritation.

"Fine, be that way," I said, ending our short conversation.

"Phoebe," he said, grabbing my attention.

"Yes?" I replied, turning my head to face him.

"You look really pale. Are you alright?" He asked, concern written all over his face.

I quickly pulled the mirror in front of me down and flipped up the covering. I was shocked to see that I was indeed pale. I looked sick. I knew for a fact that I didn't look like this leaving the house, or else my parents would have noticed. 

I probably started getting pale when I went outside. I don't think my body is strong enough to handle the outside world anymore. I was horrified at the effects of no eating had caused. 

"You should probably have a snack and some water. I wouldn't want you to feel sick when we're so far from any drug stores," he said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Food. He was telling me that I needed food. Is he crazy? Why the hell would I need food? This isn't something food can fix. 

But I knew well enough that food was what I needed to fix a part of it.

"I don't need food. I'm fine," I replied flipping the mirror back up and sitting back in my seat.

"Just take a bite out of a granola bar, you'll feel better," he suggested.

"I'm fine. I don't need food. I'll just take some water," I replied, slowly losing my patience.

"No, you need some food in your system, just take one bite," he said, trying to coax me into taking a granola bar by placing the box in front of me.

I lost it.

I shoved his hand away, causing the box to fall, spilling its contents all over the car's floor. 

"I don't want a f*cking granola bar, Maverick! I don't want it! Why can't you understand that? What is so hard to understand about it?" I yelled, tears filling my eyes.

No response came out of his mouth. I looked over and saw that he had a stunned look on his face. His mouth was slightly agape, and he was simply staring at the road ahead of us. I blinked, and the tears spilled onto my cheeks and I started sobbing. I realized how much damage my body had taken. It wasn't just physical anymore. I was mentally and emotionally drained from this. The problem that I promised myself I would never allow to return, took control and overpowered me once again.

I was practically begging for him to respond. I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't continue keeping this enormous secret inside my brain anymore. I feel so alone and I feel so overpowered by this disorder, and I feel like the only way for this to end is for everything else to end. 

I noticed that the granola bars were still on the floor so I bent forward and started scooping them back into the box.

"I had a sister who yelled at me, saying the exact same things," he said quietly, finally breaking the silence.

"What?" I asked, waiting for him to go on.

"I had a sister who reacted to food being forced on her just like you did," he explained.

"Was she Anorexic?" I asked, wondering if he understood, even just a little bit, what I was going through.

"Yeah," he replied, his face becoming stone cold.

"How did she get better?" I asked, curious.

"She didn't," he replied. 

A.N.

There was one mature word in this chapter, and I trust that whoever read this chapter is still well and handled it maturely. I hope that you put into consideration the difficulty in writing about Anorexia, and I hope that I can portray it more accurately in the future once I do more research and dig deeper into the topic. Thank you for reading. Please vote, comment, and share. I hope you all continue reading! Stay tuned for future chapters!