Demons (Jonathan Toews)

Chapter Eight

The ride back to Jonathan’s building was quick and silent. As the low hum of the music filled the car, I kept my body pressed against the window, and he kept his eyes steady on the road, his free left hand drumming his fingers along with the bass of the radio. Although the silence would drive anyone crazy, I liked it. I liked being able to sit with Jonathan in his car and not speak, not answer any awkward questions or talk about how much I liked or disliked the guys.

Once the car slowed down and turned into a parking garage, I peeled my body away from the window and looked down at my rings, adjusted them on my thin fingers, and then looked up and watched him swiftly pull into a parking spot near the door and shut off the car.

“Pretty short ride, huh?” He chuckled as he opened the door and got out of the car. Quietly shutting his door, he went to walk around and open my door, but I had quickly jerked it open and stumbled out of the car by the time he got to my side.

As I pulled on my coat, trying to adjust it from the scrunched up position it had taken from sitting, Jon shut the door and gave me a goofy smile. “I was trying to be a gentleman and open the door for you.”

“I have working limbs, I’m capable of opening doors for myself”, I chuckled and watched as his bright eyes glowed through the dim light and zeroed in on me. With a slight shake of his head and an airy laugh, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his side.

“Did you like the guys? I know they’re a lot to handle all at once, but-“

“I enjoyed the company. I can’t tell you the last time I went out with more than myself”, shrugging a little, I bit down on my lip and waited for his reaction. It seemed like every time I spoke I said something absurd that he had never heard before, and his reactions were almost becoming normal to me. I understood I wasn’t in the normal range of girls he would probably be around. I’m sure the lowest he would date would be models, and I was hundreds of miles below that category.

Silence consumed us again as Jon walked us into the apartment and over to the elevator. As we walked in, he kept me close to him as he hit then button to his floor and then leaned against the back wall of the elevator. “I honestly didn’t think you would agree to some tea.” Jon whispered as he rubbed his free hand on his pants. “No offense, but I figured you’d wanna go back to your dorm.” He squeezed his eyes shut and laughed nervously. “I don’t know why I’m speaking out loud.”

I let out a small laugh that pulled him from his self-loathing moment. Cracking his eyes open, he looked at my face, noticed my small smile and rosy cheeks, and then fully opened his eyes, connecting those rich brown ones to my own. “It’s no big deal, honestly. You’re right, anyway. I’m not sure why I agreed to this, I guess I just wanted to spend a little more time with you.”

My words fumbled over each other as I spoke. I wanted to tell him that I enjoyed him more than any human being I had ever came into contact with, and that I didn’t want to leave, or go back to my dorm and be alone, but Instead of doing that, I snapped my mouth shut and bit down on the inside of my lower lip until it bled.

Words still smothering me, the doors slid open and Jon and I quickly walked out of the box and into the hallway. Breathing lightly, I followed closely to him as he quickly walked down the hallway and over to a door off to the side. Grabbing the keys from his pocket, his shaky hands found the right key and slowly stuck it in the doorknob and turned it a little until a click sounded.

“What kind of tea do you feel like?” Jon asked quickly leaving my side as the door opened and jogging into the kitchen. As I stood in the living room, my eyes scanning all of his medals and photos on the wall, I opened my mouth to speak but felt the intimidation of being here start to weigh on my chest. I like Jon, I really, really, liked Jon, but every time I saw those pictures, the medals, it reminded me that I wasn’t good enough for him, and that whatever this was that we had, wasn’t anything major.