The Price of Fashion

the price of fashion // teddy's advice

Young Bae stood outside his old apartment, pacing back and forth. He wasn't exactly sure what to do. He felt guilty, but he would never admit it to anyone. He felt guilty because Jiyong was basically alone, with the exclusive exception of Seung Ri. He also felt guilty because Jiyong had tried to kill himself.

He stood a minute and stared at the door. How long had he been pacing?? An hour..maybe two. He turned around deciding that he couldn't face what he needed to do today. Just as he was about to leave, he heard Seung Ri's voice call to him.

“Hey hyung!!!! What are you doing here??!!”, Seung Ri asked in that optimistic voice of his that tended to piss Young Bae off.

“Oh....you know...hanging”, Young Bae replied. Lame...so fucking lame..., he thought.

“Well, why don't you come in, right Jiyong hyung?”, Seung Ri said, turning to the figure behind him. That was the first time Young Bae noticed that Jiyong stood there, one of his eyebrows raised, staring at him.

“Ummm...no thanks Ri..I gotta go”, Young Bae said, struggling with the words.

He watched as a look of sorrow passed by Jiyong's face briefly, but it disappeared as soon as it had come. “If it's because of me, don't worry, I have music to write”, Jiyong said.

“No...it's not that..”, Young Bae answered truthfully. No matter how it looked, the truth was that Young Bae didn't hate Jiyong. He had just grown tired of his situation.

“Um.....”, Young Bae said hesitantly, scratching his head. “Jiyong....” Jiyong looked up at him with an impassive face. It was clear he was waiting for an insult of some sort.

“I came to say congratulations...on your solo and stuff....”, Young Bae said. Jiyong stared at him. He blinked once.

“Thanks”, he answered.

Young Bae nodded and then turned around to leave. I'm such a fucking idiot....that's not what I wanted to say.....how fucking hard is it to say I'm sorry???, he thought to himself as he descended to the first floor.

As he got out of the building he saw Seung Hyun standing there staring at him. “Well??”, Seung Hyun asked. “How did it go?”. Young Bae shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it. Seung Hyun just nodded and with that they left not knowing how much Jiyong needed that to hear that 'sorry'.

Two weeks later, Jiyong was walking along the sidewalk, hands stuck into his pocket. He sighed. He wondered how much longer he could go on. Seung Ri was great company...but the kid could get annoying at times.

He watched people walk by him. People that seemed so happy while he felt so...useless. What was it that he needed to do?? What did people expect from him??

He returned to his apartment only to find Teddy there.

“Hey, I was wondering when you would show up”, Teddy said.

“Yo...what you want?”, Jiyong asked.

“Get right to the point huh?”, Teddy said laughing. “Well...we've been waiting for a song from you for nearly three months and we haven't gotten nothing....scratch, zero, zip, nada, bl--”, Teddy began but was cut short by Jiyong.

“Ok, I get it”, Jiyong answered. “Look man...”, he said sighing. “I can't write for shit. I haven't been able to write a fucking decent song since....well about four months ago.”

“Something wrong?”, Teddy asked, looking concerned suddenly. “If what you say is true and you can't write jack shit then something's really wrong. Wanna talk about it?”

“Naw..”, Jiyong answered a knot forming at his throat. “It's...complicated....”

“Is it the reason why you won't stop shopping?”, Teddy asked surveying the room which now held exactly two patches of bare floor that Teddy and Jiyong were currently occupying.

Jiyong scratched his head. “Yeah...”, he finally said. Teddy nodded.

“Look, I know shit can come up, but you're a composer, a singer...a fucking idol Jiyong. If you need to talk to someone do it. Even if isn't me alright?”, Teddy said. Jiyong nodded.

Teddy smiled at him and headed out. At the last moment he turned around. “Oh, and one last thing..”, he said.

“What?”, Jiyong asked.

“Don't go to a fucking psychologist, they give a damn about how you feel...they just wanna get paid”, he said.

“Thanks hyung, but I knew that already”, Jiyong answered.

“Good”, Teddy said nodding in satisfaction. He left then. Jiyong stared at the room around him. Clothes piled everywhere. He crouched down in the middle of the room. He closed his eyes and remembered what it had been like four months ago. Before that happened....before he lost himself in despair.

He could hear Young Bae laughing, making fun of Seung Ri like he always did. And there was Seung Ri, complaining to Seung Hyun, the oldest who waved him away like a kid. Daesung was busy dusting off his collection of Doraemon with that insanely happy smile on his face. And then there was Jiyong....by his keyboard, asking the other members what they thought about the new song.

Jiyong before he turned into an idiot.

Jiyong before he fell into despair.

Jiyong before he learned how to love.

Tears fell down his cheeks silently, letting out all the confusion and hurt that was embedded in his trampled heart.

~~

If anyone is reading this story, sorry for the late update. We've doing a lot of exercises in school especially when it's our graduation tomorrow. Okay? Okay. :)

-Admin K