I woke up the next morning when I hit the floor. Opening my eyes, I groaned and looked up at the ceiling. Today was Monday, the start of another school week. I sighed and stood up, walking over to my closet and looking for an outfit. What I found was a slightly low-cut, blue t-shirt and my light blue jean shorts. After gathering up everything for school, I headed downstairs and ate breakfast. Walking out the front door, I saw Lindsey walking out of hers. Last night flashed through my head. Lindsey had kissed me on the cheek. Maybe it meant nothing, but somewhere in my mind, I hoped it did mean something. "Hey, Lindsey," I called and waved at her.
She turned and looked at me, a smiled spreading across her face. "Hey!," she shouted and ran over to meet me at the sidewalk.
We walked to school together that morning, talking about whatever came to mind. I could tell the closer we got the school, the more nervous Lindsey got. Finally, we reached the parking lot. I looked over at Lindsey who was clutching her book in front of her. "Lindsey, you ok?" I asked a little worried.
"Uh, yea, sorry. It's just I get nervous when I come to a new school."
"Well, don't worry. People here are pretty nice. There's the occasional jerk but other than that everyone's basically nice. Besides, you got me here," I said with a smile.
Lindsey smiled back and we walked inside, heading to our homeroom classes. Lindsey's classroom was on the complete opposite side of the school from mine, but we had the class after that together. I helped her find it, well, tried. I didn't have a clue where it was either. Once we found it, Lindsey sat her stuff inside the door and we walked the halls until the bell rang and we headed different ways. As I walked in the classroom, I saw Sarah sitting beside my desk. Daniel was sitting on the other side of the room staring at me. Sitting down, I ignored him. "Hey, where were you the other day?" asked Sarah.
"Huh? Oh, yea. Me and Lindsey went to the beach," I replied.
"You went to the beach with her?"
The way she said "her" told me something was wrong. "Yea. why?"
"Well, I heard that she's into girls and stuff. Ya know, like a lesbian," replied Sarah.
For some reason, I could feel myself getting angry. "She's not a lesbian. She's bi."
Sarah looked at me surprised. "You mean you know and you still hang out with her? You know what that could do to your reputation?" exclaimed Sarah.
"Yea, but since when have I ever cared about my reputation. If I did care about it, I would be dating Daniel right now."
Sarah didn't have time to say anything as the teacher began class. It bugged me the rest of the class, what Sarah had said. The way she had said it. I knew saying it would ruin my reputation was a lie, there was something else, but I didn't know what. Finally, the bell rang and we headed to our next class. Lindsey sat beside me and we talked most of the class. The rest of school went by as usual.
At the end of the day, I waited for Lindsey, but she never came. "Wonder where she it," I said quietly to myself and headed home.
When I got home, I saw Lindsey walking towards her house. "Hey, Lindsey," I shouted and waved. She turned and looked at me and I stopped. "Lindsey, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Sarah told me what you said," she replied.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't act like you don't know!" she shouted at me, then turned and ran inside.
I was left standing on the sidewalk, staring at the door. I clenched my fists and walked inside and up to my room. After dropping off my school stuff, I ran downstairs and down the street towards Sarah's. My anger grew with each step I took. What had Sarah told Lindsey I had said? Whatever it was, it wasn't good at all. I knew Sarah wasn't happy about me spending a lot of time with Lindsey, but I never thought she would pull something like this. A slowed as I neared Sarah's house, she was just coming out the door. "Sarah!" I yelled.
She turned to look at me, then walked over. "Hey, Casey," she said in her normal friendly tone.
"Don't 'Hey' me, Sarah. What did you tell Lindsey?"
"Huh? What do you mean? I haven't talked to her all day."
"Don't lie to me, Sarah. She told me you were the one that told her something, now what was it?"
Sarah stood there and looked away, not saying anything. There was an uneasy silence around us until she spoke again. "I told her you thought she was a freak and you never wanted to see her again..." said Sarah.
"What!? Why would you tell her such a thing?" I yelled.
Sarah looked up at me, her eyes becoming watery. "I was jealous, ok! I was jealous because I have known you forever and we were best friends. We told each other everything. Then, she comes along and in less than a week you're acting like you two are best friends."
I stood there in silence. I had never realized that what Sarah said was true. I was acting as if Lindsey and I were best friends, and I had pushed Sarah aside. Even if I didn't mean to, or realize I had. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I didn't mean to."
She looked at me, a tear running down her cheek. I got the feeling that there as more to it. Another reason she was so jealous of Lindsey. "Casey, I have to tell you something. I've been keeping it a secret for a long time now, and I can't anymore," she paused and looked me straight in the eyes. "Casey, I love you."
I felt my heart skip a beat as what Sarah said sank in. Sarah and I had known each other since we were just kids, and it had never crossed my mind that she, loved me. She was the last person I ever thought would say that. "Sarah...."
"I'm sorry, I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore. Casey, I love you. I don't know when I started getting feelings for you, but they've grown stronger each and every day. And when Lindsey came, I guess I felt like you were leaving me, and I said things I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."
"Sarah, it's ok, it's just, I never realized you cared for me like that," I replied.
"You probably think I'm a freak now or something, don't you?"
"Why would I think that? You're you, and no one can change that. I've known you forever, and I'm not gonna let something like this destroy that," I said with a smile.
Sarah smiled back at me and wiped a tear from her eye. Sarah had told me her true feelings, but I felt even worse now. What would she do if she found out the Lindsey had kissed me last night. Sure, it was just on the cheek, but I didn't think that would matter to Sarah. Another thing bothered me as I turned and walked home. I had never thought of Sarah as more than a friend, and I doubted I ever would, but I wished for Lindsey to be more than just a friend to me. I was struck, trapped, between two loves. Sarah loved me, but I didn't love her, I loved Lindsey but I wasn't sure if she felt to same towards me.
That evening I realized that I had been gradually changing, and now the change was complete. I was like Lindsey now, and Sarah, I guessed. My sexuality had changed, and that day had proven it.
