That night I laid in bed, staring at my wall. I had made sure the curtain was shut, keeping Lindsey from looking in. It had been a few hours now since it had happened, and I still couldn’t believe it. My two best friends had fought over me, pretty much without a care for what I thought. And now, I wasn’t sure I’d ever really talk to them again.
Sighing, I sat up, wincing a bit as I reached over and grabbed my bottle of pain relievers and drink. After taking one, I leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. Today hadn’t been a good one at all. On a list of my top ten most hated days, today was probably four or five. The top three or four belonged to days I didn’t want to remember.
Mom’s voice carried up the steps and under my door as she called for dinner. As much as I wanted to just stay in my room and be alone, I knew I needed to eat. So, I forced myself off the bed and downstairs. Brent was still there, talking with Mom. Neither one noticed me until I pulled a chair out, it’s legs sliding across the floor. I saw them look at each other for a moment, then place the food on the table and sit down. “Casey, is something wrong?” Mom asked.
I didn’t really want to lie, but I also didn’t want her to know what exactly had happened. Truthfully, I was more scared about her finding out I was in love with a girl than anything else. And Brent, I had no idea how he thought or anything. For all I knew, he could completely lose it if he found out, or be extremely understanding. So, I replied with two words. “It’s nothing.”
Once again, Mom didn’t try and force me to tell her. There was never a time I was more glad to have such an understanding mother than now. Glancing over at them, I noticed Brent was about to say something, but stopped. Apparently he was one to try and get it out, but seeing as how Mom didn’t, he decided against it.
Dinner went by quietly. Mom and Brent talked about things, laughing now and then. A few times I spoke, but only when they asked me something. Other than that, I was kind of in my own little world. By the time dinner was over, I had gotten out a few bits of information. Mom and Brent had been dating for a while now, he worked as a mechanic at some auto shop downtown, he had been divorced for three years now, his daughter’s name was Kayla and he couldn’t wait for us to meet her.
Finally dinner was over and I made my way back up the stairs to my room. I really hated what had happened today, and everything that had happened recently. My thoughts drifted away from Sarah and Lindsey and to Jason. There hadn’t been any news about how he was doing, and I wondered if maybe I should visit him. That is, if Daniel let me.
Letting out a small sigh I sat down on the edge of my bed and looked towards the window. It was weird having the curtain closed. Any other night it would be open so Lindsey and I can talk or something. My phone hadn’t gone off since then, which I was glad for. Having to ignore them like that would only make things worse.
Laying back I winced a bit. Even with pain killers I could still feel it. Not nearly as much, but it was still there. Fishing my phone out of my pocket I stared at the screen, wondering if I should text anyone. But, who would I text? It wasn’t like I could just start talking to Sarah or Lindsey again or anything. “Casey, can I come in?” called Mom’s voice from the other side of the door.
“Yea,” I called back, sitting up and turning my attention towards her.
She walked in, shutting the door behind her again as she walked over and sat down beside me. In a comforting gesture she put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer, making sure not to cause me any more pain than I was already in. “Do you wanna talk about it? I know with Brent around earlier you might not have wanted to say anything,” she said.
I thought for a moment. Part of me really wanted to tell her everything, to spill every ounce of what I was holding inside. Yet, another part was yelling at me not to, that it would only cause more pain. Finally, I took a deep breath and looked over at her. My mind was made up. My eyes drifted to the floor as I started speaking. “Please don’t freak out or anything, Mom, but,” I paused, hoping this was the right thing to do. “I’m bi.”
It was silent and I felt uneasy about it. What if I had just caused something worse to happen? What if she thought there was something wrong with me and I needed help? All I could do was hope that’s not what everything came to. “Oh, honey,” she said, pulling me closer. “I wish you would have told me sooner. It must have been so hard having to keep it a secret. I don’t care if you’re bi, gay, straight, blue, black or purple, you’re still my daughter. I’ll always love you.”
A smile formed on my face. “I love you too, Mom,” I replied, leaning my head on her shoulder.
“Is there anything else you wanna talk about before I go? Brent’s leaving soon and I wanted to talk to him about a few things first.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s nothing. I’ll be fine in the morning.”
Mom nodded and stood up, giving me a kiss on the top of my head like she always used to do to comfort me. I watched as she walked across the room and back out my door. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad, yet I had still lost my two best friends. There was no way I could look them straight in the eyes anymore. No way I could just forget what had happened, and I knew they’d never become friends.
Standing up I changed into my night clothes and laid down in bed. Closing my eyes I tried to forget about today’s events for a bit, but it was a useless battle. I way awake to hear Brent’s car start up and head down the road, to hear the door squeak open as Mom checked in on me, to see the moonlight creep into my room.
It was hard to tell how long it took, but I was finally able to fall asleep. It wasn’t a very restful sleep, though. My dreams consisted of things involving Sarah and Lindsey, and usually ended in the fight and those words being shouted again.
