Christmas - Prequel to Mistletoe

August 13, 2013

Patrick

"Brendon, I don't need you or Ryan to help me with my love life. I'm fine, really." I sighed into the phone, Brendon's staticky voice coming back with a playful tone laced through it.

"Patrick, you know as well as I do that you need to get up. Do something," I rolled my eyes as I let him continue.

"You're going to be lonely for the rest of your life. You'll wither away, all alone, and you know what you're going to tell me on your deathbed? 'Oh, Brendon. I should have let you and Ryan help me find love. Now I'm hopeless. Now I'm old.'" I scoffed at that, pacing the floor of my messy bedroom as I picked at the edge of a poster that was peeling off the wall.

"Old, Patrick! Besides, when even was the last time you had se-" I interrupted him there, blurting out, "Brendon, you can stop there. Please. I get your point."

He let out a laugh, and I could imagine his smug face as he said triumphantly, rambling off, "So does this mean Ryan and I can help? Mostly me, of course, because we all know that if Ryan's choice in dates is as good as his choice in fashion, well, you're doomed, but, I mean, he is dating me, so he has done something right-"

I sighed, staring at the ceiling before stopping him, reluctantly saying, "Fine, Brendon. Fine. But I don't think you'll find anyone who'll be willing to deal with me full time."

I rolled my eyes as he excitedly squealed, and I could imagine the gleeful smile crossing his face as he proudly said, "You won't regret it, Patrick. Ryan and I are experts at this stuff. You wouldn't imagine how many people we've set up in the past, I mean it's crazy, once there was this tall motherfucker, Dallon, he was fucking hopeless, yet we ended up setting him up with someone completely by accident! There was this chick, Breezy, I think, and I mean, they were just-"

I shook my head, slightly amused, mumbling, "I regret it already, Brendon. Seriously."

He gasped loudly, the noise blaring through my speaker and I cringed as the sound hit my ears. "Ryan and I should start a matchmaking service!"

"Brendon. That would be, to say the least, a horrible idea. Don't do that." He gasped, offended, then I assumed he shrugged it off because he then said, "Oh well. We'll just charge you a higher price when we do."

"Look, I don't even know what you're planning. Heck, I didn't even want this in the first place." He just laughed, and I leaned against my wall as he answered,

"Leave it to the matchmakers, Patrick. Leave it to the matchmakers." Yeah. Leave it to the matchmakers. Okay. Not a good idea. Okay. "Patrick. Ryan and I will start the job soon."

"The job? You make it sound like you do this every day." He chuckled, and I could imagine him rubbing his hands together evilly. "Maybe I do, Pit Pat Pattywack. Maybe I do." I sighed, shaking my head.

"Don't call me that, Brendon. At least I have the decency to refrain from calling your boyfriend a cereal bowl." "That was one time, Patrick! Don't speak of that. Ever." I chuckled, eventually sitting on my unmade bed.

"Whatever, Bren." "Just talk to us soon. If you don't, I know where you live. With us." Classic Brendon. In fact, this was all classic Brendon. Interested in everyone's love lives, rambling, bringing up my sex life as well and how utterly lonely I seemed.

I mean, I was used to it by now, as I'd been friends with him and Ryan for a long time, almost eleven years. I was twenty three now and I'd met both of them in middle school. Of course, they were my only friends, then and now, but I was fine with that.

Sometimes they seemed more like family anyway. Of course, Brendon was always going to be an inappropriate pervert, because that's just who he was, but I'd learned to deal with it.

Didn't mean it wasn't hard, though.

But because they were my only friends, and they were dating each other, they ended up being interested in my own love life more than I wished. Mostly because I was the only single one in the group. I didn't really have to courage to go out and meet other people, as I was a soft spoken, pathetic looking guy with social anxiety and a stutter in public.

That is, a stutter when I wasn't with anyone I knew. When I would talk to Brendon and Ryan, it'd be fine, but I ended up being made fun of a lot when I went in public. And when I talked.

I mean, no one could hate me more than I hated myself, and because of that I didn't really expect myself to ever get a love life, but if Ryan and Brendon's little 'matchmaking' thing did anything, maybe it would help.

I mean, I didn't want to agree to it. But sometimes, you just have to give Brendon what he wants.

Not like the little shit knew anything about my love life. Just that I was lonely, insecure, and extremely self conscious. Which made it hard to talk to people by myself. So, Brendon did what Brendon does best.

Brendon decided to give me unnecessary help with my love life.