Cages

chapter nine (edited)

Every time Lola looked at me, everytime I looked at her, it was as if I could feel my heart leaping in an almost sickening way.

I wasn't sure if I actually liked her or if it was just the hormones, but honestly, if I was to fall in love with someone, I wouldn't be surprised if it was her.

We were sitting down on my couch watching tv when I blurted out, “I have to tell you something.”

She smiled. “What?”

Crap. It harder than I thought, especially with her smiling at me but I had to get it out.

“Lola, I think... I think I'm starting to develop feelings for you.”

I didn't know what I expected her to say. We've grown close over these couple of weeks and after awhile I realized that I might be beginning to like Lola as more than a friend. I just hoped it wouldn't ruin what we already had.

“You can't.” she said.

I shifted closer, ignoring the sinking feeling in my heart. “Why not?”

“I'm not permanent, Kacey.”

I frowned. I hated when she talked like that. It was so confusing.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

She shook her head. “Maybe we should give each other some space. Spend some time to ourselves for awhile. What you're feeling– it's not real. You don't like me, you just think you do because I'm your only friend right now.”

I felt something inside me crumbling as she stood from the couch. So much for jeopardizing our friendship.

“You can't tell me what I'm feeling.” I told her. “I said I'm starting to like you, Lola, I didn't say I was in love.”

“But it can lead to that.” she pointed out. “Besides, you can't have a crush on me either.”

“I know what you're doing.”  I laughed. “You're trying to push me away, Lola. You're scared because I'm getting too close.”

“I don't want you to get hurt, Kacey,” Lola whispered. “I don't want you to get hurt anymore.”

I took another step closer. “Then don't hurt me.” I whispered back.

She took a step back, putting distance between us again. “It's inevitable.”

All hope died. The barrier that I had torn down for her was slowly built back up. A wall between us, rejection hanging in the air.

“So, what, you're just going to stop being my friend now?” I glared.

“It's better this way. Good bye, Kacey.” she smiled sadly.

It was the closest thing to a frown she ever shown.

Lola walked out of my front door and I had a sinking feeling it could be the last time I ever saw her walking out of there. I ruined our friendship, the one good thing I could manage in my life right now.

Although we were neighbors, I knew we could manage to avoid each other.

We were both good at running.