Cages

chapter eleven (edited)

I think there is some hidden but well-known rule that people had to be buried on rainy days.

It wasn't raining yet but the sky was gray and every now and then you could hear soft thunder even though it was well into summer.

There were more people at Lola's funeral than I expected. But then again, she was someone everyone liked. Besides family and family friends, I noticed a lot of people from school and some people just from the neighborhood. For her to only have been there for five months she sure did make a lot of friends and leave her mark. To them, Lola Coleman will always be the optimistic girl whose bright smile was as nice as her personality.

But none of them really knew her. They didn't know what was hiding beneath the surface. Not like me. After all, the so-called perky girl didn't just get into some accident or pass away from illness, she cut her own life short.

No one saw it coming. Not even me. I could tell Lola was unhappy, I just didn't think she'd be happier dead.

After everyone said what they wanted to say about Lola, they lowered her casket into the ground. I stayed near the back, trying to keep my tears at bay. It hit me hard, knowing that I was never going to be able to see her again. Never. It's crazy how you can see someone one day, expecting to see them again tomorrow– expecting them to always be there– only to find out that they're gone forever.

You know that one day they're going to die, you just never expect it when it happens. Even then it seems unreal. Ten years from now I still will find it hard to believe that Lola is gone.

When my parents died, I stopped showing emotion. When I first found out they were killed, I cried. The whole day. But by the time their funeral came, I learned to hide it. I didn't cry because I didn't want to show that I was weak and hurt. That's how I was at the moment, especially with so many people I knew from school there. What would they think if they saw Kacey Grey crying? What would they think if they saw me vulnerable?

Lola's mom let out a loud sob as they began to fill the grave with dirt. Mr. Coleman wrapped his arms around her for comfort but couldn't hide his own tears.

I felt a weird clenching feeling in my heart. Lola's parents. They had to be feeling the most surprised & guilty of us all. They were her parents but they couldn't sense that anything was wrong with their child. They had no idea Lola was still depressed about her boyfriend's death until it was too late.

I felt a tear escape down my face. And then another. And another after that. But I didn't bother to wipe them away. I cried. I cried for Lola's parents. I cried for my parents. I cried for myself. I cried for Lola.

It felt good to finally let loose everything I kept caged up.

I'm finally free.

My feet began to move on their own accord. I emerged to the front. My classmates looked shocked. The brooding boy who walked down the halls senior year now had tears streaming down his face.

Everyone stared but I didn't feel embarrassed or exposed. I felt... normal.

I cleared my throat but couldn't think of what I wanted to say. Shara came up to me, tears still in her eyes. “Did you want to say something?” she asked.

I nodded. “I know I should've said it earlier but–”

“It's fine.” Mr. Coleman cut in, smiling sadly. “We know you guys were friends. If you have any memories about our daughter, please, feel free to share them.”

I nodded again and walked up to the podium. All eyes were on me. I cleared my throat again.

“Lola Coleman was one of the most beautiful & strongest people I knew.” I said. “We've been neighbors and attended the same school for almost half a year but it wasn't until a couple weeks ago that we became friends. I was the guy that didn't show emotion. She was the girl that always had a grin on her face. To the naked eye, we seemed so different, total opposites. But if you take a second look and look close enough, you can see that people can paste any emotion on their face, but their eyes are the real giveaway. I recognized the sadness in Lola's eyes because everyday I stared back at that same look in my own.”

“Getting to know Lola– the real Lola– is one of my greatest blessings. I'm so thankful I got the chance to get to see the girl underneath all the fake smiles. Lola saved me. Her friendship was the light that made me come out of the darkness. I'm finally able to let myself be happy again. My only regret is I couldn't save her from her own darkness. But sometimes holding on is more painful than letting go...”

My mom once told me that we all have guardian angels to save us when needed, either looking out for us up in heaven or even here on Earth.

I believe that Lola Coleman was my gaurdian angel.