Cages

chapter ten (edited)

I barely slept that night.

The only thing I could think about was my argument with Lola. I wondered if it would pass and we would become friends again.

When I walked over to my front door to go check for mail the next morning, I noticed the folded piece of notebook tucked into the window next to the door. There was nothing written on the front of it, so I opened it up. At first I thought it was just from someone playing a joke on me. But as I read the whole thing, I realized it wasn't. And I didn't know which one I would've prefered. A note from  a childish idiot, or a note from her.

I began to read it.

Dear Kacey,

I don't know why I'm writing this. I know I wasn't one to be open with my feelings but I hope you know that I cared about our friendship and your well-being.

I know this sounds stupid, considering I was the one that ended our friendship. I was happy with you but it wasn't enough. I still wasn't happy with my life.

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you, Kacey for caring about me. I never got the chance to tell you this, but I love you (as a friend of course). I just never had the courage to say it. You were one of the best friends I ever had, if not my best friend.

There's no point trying to look for me after you read this. I'm already gone. I made sure this letter will be the last thing you have connected with me.

I planned on leaving ever since my boyfriend's death. I'm going home, Kacey. I'm finally going where I always wanted to be. I'm sorry for leaving you but it's best this way.

I wish you the best, Kacey Grey and hope you'll be able to put the pain behind you and let yourself be happy.

I'll never forget you.

Sincerely, Lola

Lola was here. Sometime between last night and this morning, she was slipping this letter into my house.

I couldn't wrap my head around what exactly the letter meant. Lola was never good at being open about her feelings but as time progressed, I let my true colors show for her. I even told her that I might be falling for her.

But Lola came and she dropped this letter off. But why? And what did Lola mean when she said she was going home? Did she run away?

But the question that kept ringing in my head was 'if she planned on leaving without telling me before-hand, why did she want me to know now?'

Maybe she needed closure before she left. The voice in my head said.

It was the only thing I could think of but I didn't want to believe it because closure meant she was moving on. She was so close. The only thing separating us was the front door. But to be honest with myself, maybe it was more than that.

Maybe it was her own wall of emotions that she couldn't bring herself to tear down.

I never heard from Lola again after that.

Later that same day I recieved the letter from her, I found out she committed suicide. She jumped off a bridge. They tried to stop her. Witnesses say that she spread her arms like wings and closed her eyes and let herself fall forward. That, in some twisted way, she looked at peace.

Before Lola jumped, she only whispered three words.

After I found out, I began to reminisce about our memories and realized she probably planned on killing herself all along.

'When it happens, just know it's not your fault.'

But knowing that I wasn't the reason why she jumped didn't ease the guilt. The clues were there, I was just too stupid to pay attention to it. And I wasn't enough to make her stay.

Lola's parting words will forever be imprinted in my brain.

‘I'm finally free.’

Lola said she wished she were a bird. They could fly anywhere they wanted, whenever they wanted. But all birds aren't free. Some are stuck in cages.

Lola wasn't a bird but she was caged up. Now the cage door was open and she's finally flying.

Now she's got her wings.